Why Does Pet Loss Hurt So Much?

This month I’ll be exploring why pet loss can hurt us so much. To most pet owners, the question should really be:

There are now more pet owners in the United States than those with children and most pet owners regard their pets as members of the family or best friends, and this doesn’t just include traditional pets, with reptile and snake owners expressing exactly the same sentiments.

Our grief is really a representation of our love. So the deeper and stronger the love for your pet, the deeper and stronger your grief is likely to be. Many people feel embarrassed that the grief they feel on losing a pet feels worse than the grief they may have experienced for some humans. But this is perfectly natural.

Your grief reaction to losing any important relationship is measured on the part the one you have lost played in your day to day life, the time spent with them, the significance of the relationship and your strength of attachment to them. Many of us spend far longer with our pets than we do most humans, so it is only natural that we feel their loss more.

Most of us have a deep relationship with our pets however much time we are lucky enough to share with them. We share good times and bad times and many of us find our pets help us through the bad times by being a constant and non judgemental shoulder to cry on.

If we lose our jobs, or our relationship breaks up, our pets don’t look down on us, or pity us, they love us just the same as before. If we are sad, our pets don’t avoid us until we are happy and ‘fun’ again. Our pets stick with us through thick and thin and have very little to demand us of except love, which they are happy to return in droves.

But I think one of the things that makes our relationships with our pets so enduring is that they recognise us. They look deep into our eyes and they know who we are. Knowing us they choose to spend time with us, and I think there can be no greater honour than to have an animal choose to spend time with you.

The pets that sit awkwardly on our laps just to be near to us when we both know they would be far more comfortable somewhere else.

The pets that wake themselves up and come and rest their heads on our legs, just to say ‘hello’ and to check on us, when really they would rather be snuggled up behind the sofa.

The cats that meow a ‘hello’ when they see us approaching, and not just because they think dinner might be on its way.

The pets that seeing we are crying, are suddenly there nuzzling us and catching our tears.

The dogs that even when running around in the fields enjoying themselves, rolling in whatever they can find, look back at us, just to check we are okay too.

Losing our pets can affect us in many ways. Perhaps your pet was a reminder of a human loved one you have lost, and a link with them, or perhaps you had them as part of a relationship that broke up and they are a reminder of happier times.

Perhaps you are older now and you feel that this pet was to be your last and that makes their loss even more monumental in your life. Perhaps your life has involved many hardships and your pet has been there to support you through them and you have faced life together. Or perhaps you have spent some time nursing your pet whilst they were sick and have in this closeness built up an even closer bond between you.

Even if none of these apply, you will probably have spent much time in each other’s company and have built up a daily routine together of walks and feedings and hugs. They are there to greet you when you return home, and say goodnight to when you go to sleep, and it can be extremely traumatic and emotionally numbing to suddenly find that the routine you have become accustomed to no longer applies.

You may find yourself automatically picking up your pet’s lead ready for a walk, or reaching for their food, and be suddenly stopped in your tracks as you remember your pet is no longer with you, at least in the physical sense.

This is all natural and will pass as you become accustomed to your new routine and start to let go of your grief. But it does take time, as anything new to you does and you should be patient with yourself and give yourself whatever time is necessary.

Remember your relationship with your pet is as unique as you are, but your bond with them is significant and valid, and worthy of understanding, and your grief is an understandable reaction to those precious bonds being broken.

In times like these it can be helpful and healing to immerse ourselves in beautiful and moving things. Not just to raise our spirits but to remind us that there is still beauty and hope in the world, in spite of our loss. I’m attaching a link to a movie I’ve just seen, not because I gain anything from it (because I don’t) but because it helps to remind us of the beautiful things we can lose sight of. I hope you enjoy it : )