Your Pet Loss Stories

by Anna

I want to share the story of my loss, one to honor my dog, two to hopefully prevent others from making the same mistake and three, to hopefully find some closure.

My dog Poquito (we called him Quito) was born in August of 2003. I went to pick him up from a breeder I knew about from some friends, 2 hours away. He was only 6 weeks old and weighed 1 pound (pure bred Chihuahua). Honestly when I first saw him I thought 'what an ugly dog!' And he smelled awful! But he quickly charmed me and unfortunately the living conditions where he had been born weren't great so I scooped him up and took him home. On the car ride home I fell in love with this sweet boy. He was so tiny, wanted to be wrapped in a blanket and snuggle.

He lived for 12 years almost to the day. And every day was full of unconditional love. He and I shared a bond like I've never experienced before. We went through a lot together, including my diagnosis of several chronic health issues and the birth of my 3 children as well as a lot of personal heartache. He was always there for me, with his beautiful soul, never judging me and always there to listen to me.

I could tell from the last 3 years of his life he was definitely turning into an older dog, all he wanted to do was curl up and sleep. As a busy Mom of three I reserved our cuddle time for every night when the kids were in bed. That was the time I would put Quito on my lap and I'd read or watch tv. We both were so happy during these moments. He also slept in my bed between my hubby and I (lol) and I would wake up to his happy face every morning. I am grateful he did not ever have any real significant health issues.

The last 6 months of his life he started acting differently. Not really 'sick' meaning he still acted like the same old pup, but he had some watery eyes and a little cough and even a little congested at times. I thought maybe it was allergies since we had moved to a different state with a completely different climate than he was used to. I also knew he had some bad teeth, I'd been feeling pressure from the vets for a while to get them cleaned, but with everything else going on with my health, we didn't make it a priority. So I kept putting it off.

Finally I bit the bullet and decided to take him in for the cleaning. I thought getting some teeth pulled that might be infected would help bring back some of his vitality. So last Monday (one week ago today) I took him in for the surgery. That morning I gave him extra cuddles and even took some photos. The vet called and told me the surgery went well and that they had extracted 12 teeth (fairly common for his age). I felt so good that I took him in. They called me an hour later to tell me his breathing was labored and they needed to keep him on oxygen and monitor him overnight. I was trying not to worry because he had made it through the surgery so what else could possibly happen?

An hour later they called and told me they were performing CPR. I rushed over there and by the time I got there they had revived him and I went in to see him. He was hooked up to all these monitors and had a heat pack on his little back. He was sedated and had a breathing tube. They told me they thought he would pull through, only now am I wondering if they were lying and just keeping him alive so I could say goodbye. I pet him and talked to him and honestly I left thinking he would be ok. That the worst was over. Dr told me not to stay, that there was nothing I could do and it was just a waiting game. I will never forgive myself for leaving him and yet I don't think I could've handled watching him die.

An hour after I left the vet called me to tell me his heart gave out and he had passed. The grief and emptiness is the worst thing I've ever gone through. I have been through a lot with my illness but I always had my little comforter there, my Quito. He was my best friend and the most loyal companion I could've wished for. My heart is broken.

My word of advice is this. I had a feeling something was wrong with him. I had this awful feeling that he would not survive the surgery. But I shoved it aside and tried to convince myself that the dental procedure was helping prolong his life. It will take a long time for me to get over the guilt, but please listen to your intuition if you ever find yourself in a similar position. Not that the procedure was bad. I know it's an important thing to do. But I really felt it was wrong in this case but because of the persistence of the vet and people around me I told myself my intuition was me being paranoid. In truth, if my baby had a bad heart, I don't know how much longer he would have lived anyway. But I feel cheated because he was actually young for a Chihuahua. I don't think I could've watched him suffer in any way though. As traumatic as his death was, I am glad he's at peace and I just hope he knew how much I loved him because he was so special. I feel a hole in my heart now that he's gone.

In a short time I will be looking for another pup. Quito will never be replaced but I am the type of person who needs that bond from a fur baby. I feel the best way to pass on the legacy of love is to give another dog in need a good home. Quito was the first dog I had and so this is the first time I've gone through pet loss. It's much harder than I thought it would be, but it does get a little easier each day. He was so special to me. I will love and miss him forever.