My Lucy

by Michelle
(Spain)

I knew my Lucy (cat) had died last night.
I had been searching the grounds for her, there were 6 of us, 1 human, 4 felines and a canine.

After giving up at dusk, I stood by the wall calling her name, then a young black bird came to me. We just looked at each other for a few minutes, it seemed like a long time. He sang a few notes, then flew off into a tree below.

It was then I just knew she had died, and as I just stayed there contemplating what had just occurred, Lupita, one of the other cats started doing the rips around the pool. But as if she was playing with another cat, and then I thought of something I had read, and I knew that it was Lucy’s spirit saying goodbye to Lupita. My goodbye had been the little blackbird.

But I blocked it out because I didn’t want to believe it. I blanked it out. The following afternoon I found her with the help of the neighbour's dog, Muffin. She greeted me at the gate all happy, and then she was waiting for me to leave the house, she took a few minutes to take me to the body of Lucy. She pointed and wagged her tail.

I lifted the branch back and I must have wailed and wept out loud. Within 2 minutes Sebastian was there, he spent a minute gently smelling her, and then he cried out like a baby, like a scream.

I spent some time nursing her body, kissing her, stroking her. I brought her into the house and laid her by my side on the sofa. Jordi kept gently sniffing her and kissing her. He was trying to understand. He is still a baby.

I called a good friend. He came. We smoked. Then I decided we should lay her to rest by the gate, and I howled my grief (she was always at the gate when I came or went, I was always sticking her inside the gate.) I didn’t want her outside. Now she is always inside. Be careful what you wish for, came to mind.

The silence is deafening.

The next morning she was still here. I saw her a few times, .. in my glass of water, in the garden.

Gabi still only appeared briefly last night to eat. She is very sensitive. Lupita was very angry, arguing with everyone for no reason last night.

Only after I found her body, with my own 3 dimensional eyes and my 3 dimensional life and my 3 dimensional denial, did I have a realization of the messages I had received from the animals, but didn’t want to believe, I was in denial.

By the state of her rigor mortis, I didn’t need to know more, she had died and sent the little bird to tell me, she was saying goodbye, and then went on to Lupita, I saw that, and I sure she said goodbye to everyone here in her own way. I just didn’t see the others.

I read an article, and it told me to ask for a sign. So I went outside and asked Lucy for a sign. I wandered down to her grave, one of the tiles had moved for no reason, and as I reached down to put it back, I found a fluffy feather at the head of her grave. She is so “in your face”, that I know all her signs will be easy to spot.