Sandy, My Guardian Angel Dog

by Jen
(NJ)

It was exactly 1 week ago today that I came home from a meeting, I was only gone a few hours, and found my girl laying on the couch, tongue hanging way out of her mouth, teeth clenched together. I could see she was still breathing but it was short and labored. I was in a panic, If she were human I would have called 911, I felt so helpless at that very moment.

1 month earlier she had been diagnosed as being diabetic, she was on insulin and I had given her her shot 7:30 that morning, and she ate all her food, she seemed fine when I left. Now a few hours later I was literally watching my dog die what looked like a scary death in front of my eyes. I called the vet crying, they said bring her right in, I was 20 min away, I felt like every second was precious, I called my daughter, we couldn't lift her off the couch, I had to get a man that lived across the street to carry her out for me. I drove fast and with my 4 ways on, crying and telling her to hold on, hold on baby we're almost there I kept saying.

When we got to the vet they rushed her inside, a few minutes later the vet came out and said she's severely hypoglycemic. There was nothing more I could do, he told me to leave her there. I called several times that night to check on her, she had been having seizures throughout the night. The next morning the vet called me and told me she suffered so many seizures and a severe lack of oxygen to her brain, and it was time to let her go.

I went there that night, with my son, on the way there I felt so sad and numb, knowing I was going to say goodbye to my girl, my companion of 10 years. They warned me that she may not recognize me because of the damage to her brain. They wheeled her in on this metal stretcher, she was laying on a blanket, they left us alone with her as we hugged her and told her we loved her, I just kept saying I love you and I'm so sorry, I literally cried on her for the longest time, but I could see in her eyes, she knew us.

After a while the Dr came in to administer the injection that would put her to sleep. I wasn't ready to let her go, but I knew it had to be done. I just held her head in my hands and looked into her eyes as he pushed the injection into her, I said don't worry baby your still coming home with me, I love you Sandy. In a matter of 30 seconds no more air was coming out of her nose, her eyes were still open a little, you could see her stomach was no longer rising and falling, she was gone.

We must have stayed 20 minutes longer just petting her and crying, I kissed every part of her face. I signed a paper to have her cremated, and to get her paw print. I struggled with the thought of her body being burned, but I told myself, it's her body, not her spirit. I have a special shelf in my living room above the couch where she used to lay where I will be putting her urn with her ashes inside.

I miss my girl so much.. I grieve every day. I also struggle with immense guilt, If I was just home at the time I could of saved her, I ask myself If I hadn't given her insulin that morning, or maybe an extra bowl of food. I also can't help but think I wasn't there when she needed me the most, was she scared, was she in pain. I'm so sorry my sweet sweet girl.