Beloved Black Dog

by Renay
(QLD, Australia)

My name is Renay. I can't have kids so my dogs are my kids. I had 4 Chihuahuas.

On 24th March I rushed my beautiful boy "Koda" to emergency vet at midnight. She told me my boy was dying in front of me. It was super fast. He was fine all day, playing eating then at midday he looked odd & I said "Are you okay boy? Didn't think anything of it. Thought it was a bug. Then he vomited. Next thing I know he's shitting blood. I rang my best friend Karen cause I knew blood was very serious. We went to vet where I had no option but to end his agony.

In 12 hours I went from playing to leaving vet's without my son. I was inconsolable. She thinks it was parvo but I believe it was gastro. I lost another dog to gastro so knew the signs. Plus parvo is extremely contagious & told my other 3 dogs will definitely get it. I took them the day after to be vaccinated but was told if they have it vaccines won't work.

So I'm already devastated by my loss only hours before, now I'm told my other dogs will get sick. Well they were fine which is why I know it was gastro. Even my vet said parvo doesn't happen that fast. I looked up both on internet & it confirmed my fears it's gastro. I ticked all boxes for gastro but few things weren't right with parvo.

I can't begin to explain how gutted I am. Koda was only 5. People say their dogs are family but most people have parents, cousins or someone. I have only Karen. My dogs get everything I can give. I can't stop thinking of how much he suffered. I couldn't help him. I let him down. I have a memorial shelf with his ashes & toys & other things. I keep candles on all night so he can find his way home. It's so quiet without him. He actually made sounds like no other. Would take on big dogs forgetting he's a Chihuahua.

His brother Junior was his best mate & he sat in the window sill looking out as if waiting for Koda to come back. It was heartbreaking. I'm still struggling with my grief. I desperately want to get a tattoo for Koda. But I'm a disabled pensioner so don't know when I can afford it. It's something I really need to do. It won't bring him back but I'll feel closer to my beloved Black Dog. His toys still on floor & I sleep with his 2 favourites.

I feel so guilty that I didn't have the money to fix him. The vet said it was going to b $500 just for one night then $100 a day for 3/4 weeks but even then it's likely he would die. I know I had to do it but at times I think I shouldn't have kids if I can't afford things like that. I've lost dogs before but that was old age so I'm angry he was taken so young.