Your Pet Loss Diaries

'Amy & Fe Fer', USA

About Fe Fer

Fe Fer my brown short hair tabby who touched my life in way that can't be explained to anyone.

When did you lose Fe Fer?

Monday, September 7, 2009

At which stage of pet loss grief do you feel you are currently at?

I am heartbroken and do not know how I will ever move on. I have this need to hold her one more time. I can still see her in her favorite spots and I can still feel her paw at my heart when I am laying in bed crying myself to sleep. Will I ever be able to close this hole that is in my heart. My chest hurts and my stomache is in a knot. I miss her beyond words. A picture is not enough, the hurt is awful. I just want her back.

Amy and Fe Fer's Story so far

Fe Fer was droped off in a wet box at the end of my driveway six years ago. Cold and wet she made it through. She slept under the covers with me everynight. If I sat down she was on my lap. I didn't have many pictures of her because she would run to the camera.

Two months ago she started not useing her litter box so frustrated with her I took her urine to the vet and found that she had a bladder infection. A month ago she started having loose stools so I took her stool to the vet to find out her new diet was not agreeing with her. We gave her fortaflora and antibiotics and she showed signs of improvements. I had my neighbor who is a cat lover come over to feed her and give her the antibiotics.

My eight year old Daughter opened the house door to check on her and screamed so loud... Fe Fe is dead mom, I came in the house to find my beautiful cat lying dead in her litter box, the one place that she had hated so much the past few months. I lost it, I feel bad that my children had to see their mother hyperventalate and completely lose it. I can not believe that she is gone. It hurts soooo much.

My wonderful Husband created a beautiful resting place in my back yard. It is hard for me not to go out and take her back just to hold her one more time. I just want to be here with her one more time. I feel sooo bad that I didn't get to be here for her when she needed me the most. The vet figures that her bladder burst due to a crystal from her bladder infection.

I will always miss her and don't know if I will ever be normal again. I have never experienced pain like this before in my life. A hole is in my heart and my love is with her forever and always. Sleep tight Fe Fer!