Your Pet Loss Diaries

'Tammy & Spanky', USA

About Spanky

Spanky was loving, funny, outrageous, crazy, demanding, a Mama's boy, human, and silly - but most of all he was the most wonderful thing that ever happened to me!

When did you lose Spanky?

Spanky left me on 12/22/08. May he "RIP" - Spanky (1995 - 2008)

At which stage of pet loss grief do you feel you are currently at?

I am completely devastated! All I have been doing is crying and feeling sick to my stomach. I went to say my last "Goodbyes", before he was to be cremated, but it did not make it any easier. I can not even imagine my life without him and keep asking God why? It wasn't time for him to be taken from me! I can't breathe without him near me!

Tammy and Spanky's Story so far

It was March 1995, when Spanky and I first met. My husband had been working long hours and just moved into a new house. He decided that I could have a dog, since he was spending long hours into the evening at work, so that I would not be so lonely.

He had already found a dachshund breeder out in the country and so we went out to see the litter of puppies. There were 6 puppies, with 3 female that were grey dapple and 3 males that were black and tan. They were all so cute and the decision was too hard, since I really wanted to take all of them home. The grey dapple were all so beautiful, but I had wanted a male dog so that kind of ruled them out since they were all females. Then there were the 3 black and tan males, but the decision was too hard since they were all soooooo cute!

Needless to say, I did not have to make the decision, as the feisty, runt of the litter, tiny black and tan male kept coming up to me to play. It was as if he were saying, "Pick me! Pick me!". So I did and off we went, the "little runt" and I. We went home and pulled out the new "Dog" name book to proceed to find my new baby a name.(Which actually took 2 to 3 days to determine)

Finally, I had decided on a name, since he had been such a little rascal from the beginning, the name "Spanky" only seemed appropriate. From then on it was just "Spanky and Me!".

We went through 14 years of major ups and downs, but my "Spanky" layed, sat, cried, whimpered, licked and jumped next to me the whole way! He is truly the reason I have survived my many obstacles of life!

His death was sudden, as he woke up on Sunday morning (12/21/08)at 5:30am and barked at my husband until he fed him, then returning back to the bedroom to sleep next to me until it was time for me to awake. When I did we then took the blankets and pillows, and Spanky and I went and piled up on the couch to get ready for "LAZY SUNDAY". (that's what Spanky and I called Sundays when we had no plans to go anywhere or do anything!)

Then around 12:00 noon, Spanky woke up and wanted off the couch, but did not bark at me as he usually did. He kind of grunted at me, so I removed him from the couch just in time for him to vomit on the floor. As I cleaned up the vomit, I tried to get him to go outside to get some fresh air, but he would not move from the spot he was standing in. Then as I looked out the door onto the porch, I saw that he had vomited much earlier on in the day out on the porch.

I quickly picked him up and took him to his water bowl where he drank a lot of water as if he were dying of thirst. Spanky and I then got back on the couch, but I could tell he was not very comfortable as he tried to lay down. It did not take me much longer to realize that there was something very, very wrong. As I began crying and asking Spanky what was wrong and I layed down next to him holding him next to me. My husband asked if I wanted to take him to the Emergency Vet that he found that was open down the road.

I immediately got a towel and wrapped Spanky in it and off we went to the Emergency Vet Hospital. Once we were there we had to sit in the waiting room, until the technician came out to get him. While Spanky and I waited in the waiting room, he kept looking over at the poor miniature dachsund that had been mauled by a bigger dog. Evertime the poor puppy would cry out in pain, Spanky would lift his little head to see what happened.

Spanky stayed overnight, so they could start him on an IV for dehydration and said that his Liver and Pancreas enzymes were a little elevated. We picked him up the next morning and immediately took him to out family Vet, and the started him back on the fluids. They were not sure if he had Pancreatitis and it caused the Liver to elevate a little bit or if he had a Liver problem that may have cause the Pancreatitis. I went to see him around 3:30pm, the afternoon of the 22nd, and he looked so sick he could not even move. The Vet said that all we could do is watch and wait to see how he would respond to treatment.

Spanky did not respond or wait, as he passed in his sleep that very evening. I know he did not want to go, and I know he wanted to go home with me. But I believed I was doing the right thing for him, because I wanted so desperately for him to get better. If I had known I would never see him alive again, I would have brought him home with me and stayed with him until he passed. Except I can't ! He's gone!

I asked Spanky many, many times after my Grandmother passed in March of 2007, "Spanky, please take me with you when you go. Don't leave me here by myself, 'cause the pain would be too much!". But I'm still here - Spanky's gone - AND - he didn't take me with him! I just can't breathe!