Roxy, Thank You For Loving Me, I Will Always Love You

by Rudy
(Santa Fe, NM)

Roxy, My German Shepherd came to me 14 years ago. As I look back I feel that God sent her to me as a gift. A co-worker at the fire house (I've been a firefighter for the last 23 years) asked if I wanted a German Shepherd puppy, and I agreed.

I have had many dogs, but have always been fond of Shepherds (Not really a dog for a firefighter right?). When I brought her home I saw that her being skittish did not disappear after a few weeks. She did not trust me, nor my parents. Even more so my Mother, or any woman for that matter. That led me to believe that someone had hurt her before she came to me.

Time went by and she grew used to us, she developed a sweet smile and had the cutest eyebrows that I have ever seen on a dog. She would even wink her left eye at me when she stared at me. with my job I had to travel a lot, and Roxy stayed with my parents and my Dad's black Lab Smokey. She became very attached to Smokey and my Dad.

Time passed and all of us got older. In 2004 my Dad passed away from a massive heart attack, in which I attempted to save his life by performing CPR. Roxy and Smokey were both very sad, just like my Mother and I.

A few months later I had to put Smokey down because of cancer, and Roxy was saddened by his passing, but she stayed by my side, especially during the passing of my Mother.

Roxy never left me, even though the emotional scars of whomever hurt her never left her. She still stayed with me and offered me love, like I had never had from a pet. She still would cringe for some reason when I would reach my hand out to stroke her head or play with her ears, and that always bothered me because I only wanted her to know that she was loved.

Time went on, she was there, when I was sad, missing my parents, and wishing I had a family of my own. I would sit on the steps of the porch at night and she would sit next to me and let me stroke her back. Anytime I was sick, she laid next to me, and only asked to be let out when she really needed to go. She was my friend and true companion during the hardest times when I was told I have a form of PTSD from all of the hard things I have seen as a firefighter, she never left my side.

She was always at the door waiting for me, she would make me laugh when she wanted to eat, hearing her grumbles and watching her ears perked up. She would dance when I took her walking, and would groan and moan when I scratched her ears. She would always came up to me to see if I would give her a bit of what I was eating for dinner. And yes, even though we aren't supposed to give dogs people food, I did because I loved and wanted to share my food with her.

She stood by me when a woman took serious advantage of me, and walked away. Her smile and big ears always told me, "Its okay, you don't need that, you have me, and you don't have to look any special way, I like your fire department T-shirts, your size doesn't matter to me, you don't need to give me money because you are what's important to me". "You keep me warm in the winter, cool in the summer, and you always think of me when you buy groceries, and cook dinner, You give me plenty of food and cool water to drink, and I can't wait for Christmas to come when you get me a new bed so I can be comfortable".

"You make me happy because you love me, and you do all you can to show me and I want to show you too". "Don't be sad, don't be troubled because Roxy is here, and I love you!" "When the times are hard, and the nightmares strike, the loneliness makes your heart break, I will be right by your side, because you are not alone, you are loved by me, always," At least this is what I saw in her eyes.

Roxy was with me for 14 years. but she had been sick for over a month. On March 7, 2016 I had to face reality and make a very hard decision. Originally the vets I took her to seemed to feel she had a bladder infection, but during a third round of medications I noticed the bleeding would not stop, She would look at me as to say "I don't want to leave you alone, but I am so tired, but I'll do my best to stay with you."

I couldn't stand to see her suffer, even though I knew I would be losing my best friend and companion. I had seen so many loved ones and friends die during the last 10 years, that I could see her suffering too. I made an appointment with the vet, and went with her to take the pain away. This battle could not be won, the illness would get much worse over time, so I asked the Vet, to please help my Roxy and let her rest.

I said good bye with tears in my eyes, I held her close until the very end, she stayed in my arms until her last breath. It's only been a few days, and my house is empty. I miss her company, and how she made it better. I wish the pain and tears would stop, sometimes I wonder how much more I can take.

If I make it to the Rainbow bridge, I pray that she will be there waiting for me, and that she will be my companion again for eternity. Night after night I pray to the Lord, Please Jesus, please take Roxy to my Dad until I can see her again? Please give me a sign that she is okay, I promise once I know that she is safe and happy, I will be able to move forward and look to the day when I can hug her again, and know she has no fears any more, and knows that I am here for her again. Please lord tell Roxy I love her and miss her so.

Roxy, each day is hard to start out, because you are not here. I miss your company, and it's hard to be home without you. I hope you know I loved you, and I hope you will keep me in your prayers, I know god gave you to me for a reason, which is why I must trust that I will see you once again.

Goodnight My Roxy, rest, and play in peace in happiness, and please wait for me, I can't wait to see you again.

Love you lots, your Best Friend, Rudy