Your Pet Loss Diaries

'Diana & Leya'

About Leya

Leya the most beautiful, perfect, Doberman girl. Sweet, loving nature. Always the most gentle, loving, soul. My best friend in all the world.

When did you lose Leya?

I lost Leya August 17th, 2010

At which stage of pet loss grief do you feel you are currently at?

I am still devastated, shocked, and can't believe she is really gone.

My heart is broken and I don't think it will ever heal. The pain is the same now as the first day without her.

Diana and Leya's Story so far

We had Leya for 12 years. She was the most beautiful, perfect dog. On August 12, 2010, she suddenly collapsed and couldn't walk. She was diabetic and we thought there was some problem related to that. But after checking her blood glucose we realized it wasn't that. So we then thought maybe she had had a stroke.

We had the vet come to the house (he wasn't her vet, but another from the same office). He seemed to think we should not put her through any tests, but just consider "letting her go", in other words euthanize her. I was horrified and couldn't think about doing that. But after a few days of her laying there and not being able to get up, I decided to take her to a neurologist.

He did x-rays and blood tests and found out she had an enlarged heart and fluid in her lungs and was not getting enough oxygen in her system. They put her on oxygen support. The clinic where she was at this point was not close to our home, and even though we wanted to take her home so she could spend her last moments there where she was comfortable, we couldn't take her home as we had no way to continue the oxygen for her. We had to make the unthinkable decision to end her suffering there where we were.

We were with her until the very end, but now that she is gone, I am full of self doubt. I feel like I made the worst mistake, and even though I know I can't change anything, I am just sick and feeling so guilty about it. I loved her more than anything in this world, and I feel like I let her down. I feel like I missed something that we could have done to save her. I miss her so much, and even after 4 months, I think of her every minute, and cry often throughout the day, even when at work.

At this point, I don't know how I can go on without her. I'm just lost and nothing means anything without her.

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