Your Pet Loss Diaries

'Dea & Samantha'

Mar 12, 2013

Hi My Angel ~

Day 165 ~ this is a living hell. This is worse than death itself. Life is nothing without you. I just can’t think of every second, every minute, every hour, every day, every month, every year ~ forever without you.

I so miss petting your soft fur, looking into those big beautiful eyes, seeing your sweet little face first thing in the morning. To feel you laying next to me in bed. To hear your meow. To feed you. To hear you purr. I would give anything.

I have never loved anyone or anything so deeply and completely as I do you. I still cry most of the day and I sit outside by your grave a lot. I use to have a flesh and blood kitten, that I could see and touch, now all I have is a patch of dirt.

How quickly one’s whole life can be completely turned upside down. And how that day can seem the same as every other day, until something like this happens.

I do have a few things I am thankful for: I thank God I wasn’t the one who found you that morning. I never saw you dead, so in my mind you are still alive. I thank God I didn’t come home that morning and find you in the street hit by a car. I thank God you didn’t get sick and I would have to see you suffer and then have to decide when to put you to sleep.

But most of all, I am glad your Uncle Bill was there to do the things that needed to be done, that I couldn’t do.

I do still wonder if at that moment you knew something was wrong. I wonder if you were trying to get to me but died first. I wonder if you thought of me. I wonder if thought where was I and why I wasn’t there with you. I wonder if you thought I should be there to try to help you. I hope I didn’t let you down by not being here by your side. Even if there was nothing I could have done, I sometimes wish I could have held you and comforted you. I wish I could have told you I love you one more time.

But most of all, I wonder why you died so suddenly and without warning. I read all these stories about other peoples pets and they got to have them for 10, 15 years. I got you 2 years. I feel so robbed of the years we should have had together. Two years is nothing, it’s the blink of an eye.

'No farewell words were spoken,
No time to say goodbye.
You were gone before I knew it,
And only god knows why.
My heart still aches with sadness,
And secret tears still flow.
What it meant to lose you,
No one will ever know . . .'

I love you my angel and will never stop aching for you.

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