Your Pet Loss Diaries

Nov 10, 2012

Samantha ~
hi my love
I miss you so bad it hurts
I love you more than anyone
will ever know...

In August 2011, my unemployment ran out & my ex boyfriend went to jail. I was flat broke very soon. No money to pay my rent or the electricity bill or food for myself or food for my three cats ~ Samantha, Pooh Butt & Rocco. Even though I wouldn't eat, sometimes for a week or so or have to eat potatoes or rice (& only potatoes OR rice) for a couple of weeks, I ALWAYS made sure my cats didn't go hungry.

At times, I was forced to steal from the market or buy one can and steal two, they always had food. Every penny I was able to beg, borrow or steal went for my babies. That was a very rough time for us. Without them to take of, I'm not sure what would have happened to me. They kept me going, gave me purpose. It was the four of us.

We lived in a small apartment in Los Angeles. No bedroom just a living room, kitchen & bathroom. We were together, in the same room, in the same bed, 24/7. We became so close, they were all I had. They were all I needed.

I hung on as long as I could but I lost my apartment and had to move back with my parents in March 2012. My babies went from a one room apartment, never going outside, to a three bedroom house & I eventually let them go outside. They were in heaven!! Pooh Butt, Rocco and I weren't as close as we were before, they kinda struck out on their own. But my Samantha was still always with me and we became even closer. She was my girl and everyone knew it.

My parents or my brother would call her, she ignored them. My brother would sometimes feed them, Samantha wouldn't eat it.
They all went outside but Sammy would "check in" several times and would always come in early and be with me. She never stayed in a room unless I was there. She wouldn't stay in my brothers room unless I was there. She wouldn't stay in the living room unless I was there, and when I left, she left.

From the second I woke up in the morning until I went to sleep at night, my day revolved around her. Her face was the first thing I saw every morning and the last thing I saw at night. I'm suppose to have THREE cats not TWO! I am not whole, incomplete without my three. She left a hole in my soul that will never be filled...