Your Pet Loss Diaries

'Dea & Samantha'


Nov 13, 2012

My sweet Samantha ~

My life before you was filled with disappointment & loneliness. I was convinced I had done something to God to make him hate me & that I didn't deserve to be loved or to be happy. I had asked God so many times "What have I done to you or to anyone that I don't deserve what others take for granted? Please God, as your child you know me. You know how desperately I need someone to love & someone who will love me just as much. You know that I would be very grateful & thank you everyday to know the feeling of true love."

I had asked Him for so many years without answers or results, that I finally somehow accepted that this was the life I was given. I had even stopped looking, stopped praying for someone to love.

But then, as they say, when you stop looking for something ~ it finds you... well, I'm here to tell you it's true!! Because one day out of left field, you entered my life. as if you were not enough, I was blessed with not only your sister, Pooh Butt but soon Rocco came to our door. WOW!! happy doesn't begin to describe it. I hit the mother load of love, and I just knew it was God's way of making up for all I had been through before.

To the world I was a tough, independent, uncaring, unloveable shell of a person, to be kept at arms length. I even believed it myself. but the 3 of you somehow knew better. You saw straight through to my soul & knew just what to do. I didn't stand a chance. All my defenses crumbles like a house of cards. I was putty in your hands. You managed to erased 48 years of misery in a matter of minutes, and even though God & life still gave me more than my fair share of grief, just one look in that sweet little face made everything right again.

We were the four muskateers! With you I could survive whatever life may throw at me...

Then came September 29, 2012 ~ just as quickly as you entered my life, you were gone. Two years passed in the blink of an eye. You 3 had made 3 spots in my heart & you fit there quite nicely. You were mine, from the day you picked me. Pooh Butt was my exs & Rocco was ours but you were all mine & we knew it. You had the biggest spot in my heart. The empty space you left is as big as the grand canyon & will be just as impossible to fill.

Why God gave me you just to snatch you away in such a short time, I guess is not for me to know. I still have Pooh Butt & Rocco. Not only has this changed me, but they are different too. I have seen with my own eyes that they miss & grieve for you too. I comfort them & they comfort me & together we miss you more everyday.

How am I supposed to love them the same & not push them away? When I am reminded every minute that one day my heart will left totally empty & my life will be the way it use to be empty & alone. But just that must harder because I know what I've lost...

We love you baby girl & miss you more & more.

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