Your Pet Loss Diaries

'Dea & Samantha'

Samantha

Nov 3, 2012

I know everything happens for a reason ~ why Sammy came into my life, why she had to go so soon & so young ~ even though we may not know the reason why. But I have been thinking & thinking and I can't for the life of me come up with a reason why we needed to go through this. The happiness I had knowing she was here, has been replaced with an equal or even more sadness that she's not!

Was I supposed to learn something? What? That no matter how much you love & need someone, one day they will die? Or the more I let my guard down & allow someone to become such a big part of me ~ the more it will hurt when they're gone? Or that life isn't fair? Or when there is someone who doesn't deserve to live, they seem to live forever, while someone who is only 2 years old & hasn't even begun to live dies for no apparent reason? Well, guess what? I already knew all that.

Am I a better person for experiencing such devastation? Am I more loving? Am I happier? NO! All this has done is put the walls around my heart up again. I will never be happy, my broken heart will never heal & I will never be the same.

While I truly loved & will cherish every second she was in my life, this unbearable pain & utter devastation has me wondering if I would have been better off not knowing her? How can you missing something if you never had it?

Good morning, my girlie girl,
How was your night?
I pray you did not suffer before you died ~ I hope it was painless,
but most of all I pray you didn't wonder why I wasn't there to help you...

I love you Tammy Wammy.


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