Your Pet Loss Diaries

Jan 7, 2013

by Lizzie
(London)

Two days on, I feel empty. He would have had his vets appointment today at 3.15 which I had to cancel. I am finding it hard to eat or to focus on anything - which is bad timing as my entire unit 1 coursework is due in on Wednesday. I spent almost the entire morning crying and now my eyes feel tight. It's harder this time than I remember it being with any of my other pets, maybe that's just memories being biased or maybe I am struggling more - my husband thinks so.

We have a tradition of when one of our pets passes away, we bury them in a plant pot and them plant a bulb or seed that reminds us of them. For example, we used to call our last set of boy rats 'tulip toes,' so when they passed we planted tulips. I don't know why but I can't bury him yet - we have the pot, he is wrapped up in a cloth which we bought (another tradition we have) and we have the soil to cover him with but I just can't do it. It's weird, but its like if I put him in the garden then he's on his own and it's cold out there. I know this might sound weird considering he's dead but I think it might just be denial or problems with accepting his death - if I bury him, I will never see him again and he will be gone. I have photos and videos of him but I can't watch them. Not yet.

His cage mates are struggling - Mischief and Muffin. They are no where near as active as they were (or noisy) and when we had them out yesterday, Mischief just clung to me whereas Muffin was very very moody. Poor mites. Our dog, Slash, also seems more lethargic than he used to but to say he loves our rats is the understatement of the century, but he seems to be giving them a bit more space than he used to. He's very wise in his own way.