Your Pet Loss Diaries

July 5, 2011

by Elyse
(Merced, CA)

My darling Krista-

Mommy misses her baby girl so much. I still can't come to terms with the fact that you're gone. I keep expecting to see you come running down the hall and jump up on the bed. I wake up at night and I reach out to your spot to pet you, only you aren't there.

I've been keeping your ashes next to the bed. The other night I was laying in bed reading and I got really upset that you weren't there with me and I reached over and hugged the urn. Before I knew it I was holding it tight and sobbing. I swear Brian thinks I'm losing my mind! And maybe I am.

I went back to work today. It wasn't as hard as I expected it was going to be, but it definitely wasn't easy. I took some stuff back that I had lying around the house that I used for you. I just couldn't handle looking at it anymore. I'm glad I sent your bed off to heaven with you, I don't think I would have been able to keep it around here anymore.

I had some pictures developed today. I LOVE the one of you laying on my chest and blocking my face while I was trying to watch TV. It's one of my favorites because it so perfectly captures your personality. So sweetly demanding! And you had me wrapped around your little paw so perfectly. And you know what? It never bothered me to know that you could make me do anything. I was never very good at telling you no after all. I thought having some pictures of you, and of us, might help. If you can't be here with me then at least I can have my memories of you around me. Though memories pale in comparison to real life.


I'm worried I'll forget you. Not that I'll actually forget you, but that in time I'll forget what we had. Never fear my sweet kitten, no one will ever take the place you held in my heart. You are completely unreplacable my sweet. You I just hope that as the pain of your passing fades and I begin to look back upon our life together with happiness that it doesn't dull the love I have for you. You were my best friend, my closest companion, my child and I loved you more in the 15 years we were lucky enough to have together then most people will ever know in their whole life. And for that I will be eternally grateful to you. Thank you my baby girl for teaching me what it means to be loved unconditionally for who I am. Thank you for teaching me what it means to love someone else with every ounce of your being. Thank you for everything you ever taught me. There was so much.

I miss you every day. I love you and think of you constantly. Hope you can hear me. I love you kitten.