Your Pet Loss Diaries

March 22, 2011

by John H. Edwards
(Bend, Oregon USA)

March 22, 2011 Journal for Maximus

Dear Max, the days are going by so slowly since you left. Today I received your urn and dog collar. The ER vet was kind enough to make an imprint of your paw on a pad made of clay. We heated it in the oven and now have a permanent print. Your collar and tag still had some of your hair on it, also you had worn it so long it holds your distinct loving smell.

Jamie is starting to do a little better, I am being strong for him but really I am so torn up inside. I think you and I were a great deal alike in that aspect. Today Jamie cried because I had the same mannerisms in the way I moved my head and the look in my eyes. He said it reminded him of you when you had cause for concern about something. Jamie could see my concern for him because he is having such a difficult time.

We both finally got some exercise today and starting to eat a little more. I find myself repeatedly looking for you in the back yard, picturing you running and playing. I make sure the flowers are still bright and beautiful, the candle still burns for you night and day. Oh how we miss you Max, I take time out for this journal to talk with you and grieve.

Since you left us I have lost six pounds, Jamie looks really tired and drawn. I keep reminding myself that it will get better because that is what you would want for us. Before I go to bed tonight I will visit the site of the accident, make sure your candle is lit and take a deep breath of your clipped hair. Again I will step outside in the backyard and yell your name as loud as I can, it helps. I will feel you trying to comfort me. We love you and miss you so much!

Good night my little Maximus!