Your Pet Loss Diaries

March 20, 2011

by John H. Edwards
(Bend, Oregon USA)

Today Jamie and I woke up missing you again. We did not cry for the first time waking up. The pain is still so unbearable but I think we are trying to be strong for one another. I still can not watch tv without you, it is hard for me to be alone. Jamie goes back to work tomorrow and I am afraid what emotions that might bring. He will be working nights so I will not have him here at home for support. I hope he can struggle his way through work because I know he will be thinking about you.

I went to the grocery store for the first time since you left, it was tough. Especially walking down the doggie aisle where I so often bought you special treats. We are slowly getting our bearings straight, the grief ebbs and flows but you are always on our mind.

We placed some beautiful flowers next to the driveway where the accident occurred. Jamie and I went outside to where we placed the flowers and lit candles for you. Again it was cold and snowy outside. We made that little spot bright and colorful for you. They say all the darkness in the world can not extinguish a single flame. That is so true.

Every hour or so I would go out to see if your candle was still glowing bright in the cold night air and it sure was, even with precipitation coming down and the wind. The candle flame lasted throughout the night. I got up at 4:30am and it was still glowing bright, flickering in the wind.

This spring we will plant something nice for you and nurse and cherish it always as a reminder of how much we love and miss you. Kind of like where the red fern grows story. God how we miss our Max! Just when I think things are becoming normal again I break down. Jamie and I know you want us to move on but we just plain refuse to for now.

No matter how much time goes by you will always be in our heart and soul. Until tomorrow little Maximus, we miss you so much!