Your Pet Loss Diaries

'Khadejah & Gangster'

I Lost Him - Part 2

July 21, 2009

by Khadejah
(Bridgeport Connecticut)

I begged my Grandmother to please save Gangster she said no you see what that damn dog did to my lip, you must be crazy if you think I'm going to let the b*****d live after what he did to my lip. I tried so hard but I couldn't convince her to save Gangster. I just sat there still shocked and in emotional pain, I cried my eyes out again for there was no more use. Noone is going to save Gangster and this wasn't a a bad dream it was real and I didn't wanna believe that this was happening to me

A few minutes passed and my Sister came back she said the animal control got Gangster and they said that they would have to chop his head off and send it to a lab, hearing that made me feel even sadder. The doctor now came to fix my Grandmother's lip so my Sister and I went into the waiting room to wait until we came out. We were in that waiting room for about four hours during the time the same thougthts keep on entering my head this can't be true this has to be a dream.

Mean while while we were still in the waiting room the animal control people called my Sister and said Gangster is now dead and that tommorow they are going to chop his head off and send it to a lab and the lady said she is going to come over the house tommorow to pick up Gangster's paperwork and go to the shelter where me and my Mom got him from to complain to the shelter workers saying why would they let a German Shepherd go to a family and such and such. I just knew that if my Gangster's brothers and sister's were still in that shelter all of them were put to sleep for sure.

My Grandmother finally came out and we went home. I felt sad all day long when we got home I rushed, I tried to believe that this was all a dream and that Gangster wasn't dead. I didn't hear him bark like he always does when a car comes up, it was true he really was gone. My heart stopped beating fast it was now filled with the strong and ever lasting pain of losing my beloved Gangster. I got home took a shower turned the tv on in my room got the phone to call my Mom and tell her that Gangster got put to sleep.

She didn't answer on the first few rings she had her phone turned off so I had to wait until she called me. I called her 7:00 at night because that's the time we got home from the hospital. 8:00 she called back and said hello I love you and stuff like that and she said did you play with Gangster today when you got home from school like you always do. I told her what happened and that Gangster got put to sleep. I then started crying while I was talking to her, she was shocked too and cried with me because I was crying.

I told her how the animal control shot Gangster with sleep darts he didn't wanna go because while they were shooting him he ran to our backporch like he always does and stayed there. It broke my heart to hear that Gangster didn't wanna go he knew he was going to die, he knew what the animal control was going to do to him when they caught him. I felt so bad losing Gangster.

Gangster didn't have anyone who cares about him with him at the time the animal control was trying to catch him, everyone there hated him my two Cousin's and my Sister. I wanted to be there to try to comfort Gangster but I couldn't bear to see them take him like that. I told my Mom that my Sister said all our neighbors came out and watched, they loved Gangster too and didn't want to see him go.

The animal control soon noticed the sleep darts were making Gangster sleepy so they just took a net from their truck lifted him forcefuly and threw him in the truck. Hearing that made the sadness in my heart increase. I told my Mom everything, she was sad too she knew how much I loved Gangster. Gangster and I were one he was my half I was his. I loved him with all my heart and I still do.

Me and my Mom got done taking and hung up. I then got out of bed and looked at the window at his dog house where he used to be. All I saw was an empty backyard and the birds flew near Gangster's dog house drinking the water in his bowl and eating his dog food. It really hurt to see Gangster's dog house and not him there. My heart was overtaken my sadness and depression.

My Sister also said that the animal control took Gangster's dog food bag and gave it to a shelter as a donation to the puppies there. I went to bed sad and watched Nancy Grace. I soon cried myself to sleep. Later in the night about I think 12:00 I heard a dog barking. I jumped up out of bed and thought it was Gangster but then quickly remembered he was gone. I went back to bed and cried myself to sleep again.

The next morning I still felt sad, I didn't want to do anything, I couldn't bear to knowing Gangster no longer could but I had to get up for school. I got dressed, took a shower and ate breakfast and everything then went to school. It was my first full day without Gangster and it hurt knowing he wasn't there to say good bye to me when I went to school or greet me when I got back home from school. It was hard to deal with the pain but it was much more harder to know noone cared.

No one in my family cared that Gangster was gone, they all went on with their lives like nothing even happened. It angered me highly my Grandmother and Sister were the ones who killed my Gangster and they just go on with their lives like they didn't do a thing. I can't see how they can just go on with their lives while Gangster can't it angers me so much I still cry sometimes.

My Gangster has been at Rainbow Bridge for about 2 months and a half now and I miss him dearly. I wish he would just come back to me again. I wish this was all a dream but it isn't, Gangster realy is gone and I'm now left to grief alone. The world is now moving on like it always will, it leaves me behind to think can I really do this, can I really live without Gangster? How will I carry on without him?

In Gangster's memory I'm writing a book called 'Gangster's Story' it will be published soon. I have 27 pages done so far about his life with me. I'm getting a shirt made at Walmart with my dog's picture on it. I still have his brush that has a lot of his fur in it I'm going to one day buy a locket to put his fur in then everywhere I go I'm going to have the locket with me.

I wish I could have his body cremated but the animal control never gave us Gangster's body back. I still often wonder what did they to his body after they were finished with it, I think they probably just threw his body away like he was trash. I sure hope they didn't do that I mean in a way it doesn't bother me because the body is just Gangster's empty shell he no longer resides in it anyway but still that doesn't mean they can just dispose of his body anyway they want to.

I know Gangster is gone but I also know he's still with me. Gangster and I had such a strong bond together that I just know even death won't separate. I know Gangster is watching over me right now if i just keep his memory, spirit, and Legacy alive forever in my heart. Gangster I know you probably can't hear me but I just wanna say I love you so much with all my heart, I will always be with you I'll never forget you and I know that when it's my time to pass I shall see you again at Rainbow Bridge, a place where noone can separate us from each other, a place of heavenly peace, a place where sadness, anger, and death no longer reside, a place I can't wait to see you in.

Gangster don't worry about me here on earth you're at peace now, your spirit is free you don't have to worry about Grandma or Jimmea and the rest of them anymore. Just know I love you forever and I'll be with you soon my love, just wait for me. The troubles of earth no longer bother you God is watching over you now he will take good care of you. It's much better on the other side Gangster I hope you're at Rainbow Bridge having the time of your life there. My body may fade as well in death but my ever lasting love for you will live for ever.

Rest In Sweet Heavenly Peace Hero.

Love you forever Gangster Rest In Peace baby boy

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