Your Pet Loss Diaries

'Louise & Seth'

Day Five - Still Lost...

May 25, 2012

by Louise

The past few days are a blur. I had to go back to work, where I spent my 12 hour shifts trolling the Internet for some sort of help. I've been reading about pet-loss and grief. I think it helps to ease my worries. I've been through so many different emotions and it all seems so unreal. But everything I've read says that what I'm feeling is normal. The guilt, the anger, the what if's???

I'm constantly thinking of the future, how will I ever feel normal again? How do I be happy when my soul feels shattered. My heart aches so much and the pain is unbearable at times. The sadness is devouring me and I can't find my way out of it. Life feels so hopeless and dark now. Thoughts of the future only reduce me to tears...

We will never go to the beach again or play outside like you loved to do. I'll never get to cuddle you again. I'll never see your beautiful eyes staring back at me.. I'll never meet you at the gate, open the door for you, take you for a drive or spoil you with love and affection... And I'll never get to have you come bounding up to me for no reason at all, just because you want to.

You made everyday so enjoyable and gave me so much happiness. You filled our home with laughter and joy. You were always doing something funny. Daddy and I are so distant now, neither of us know what to do with ourselves and we're both dealing with this in different ways. I'm pulling away from him and seeking comfort in writing about you. He is keeping busy and trying to pass the time.

It kills me to see the sadness consume him, more than my own pain does. You were his first dog and his best friend. He loved and cherished you dearly. We both knew how special you were and never dreamed you would be such a huge part of our life. The day you left us was the hardest day of our lives.. The painful memory of it is constantly in my mind. I can't stop seeing your eyes as you looked at the two of us with such concern. We tried not to let you see our pain but it was so hard. You were so brave right to the end...

I know you were in pain and that is my only comfort now to know that your free from it now. Our hearts hurt with so much sadness right now and the tears are drowning my soul. I don't know how to stop this overwhelming grief and hurt from consuming me. I wonder if it will ever get easier, I don't think so. I dont think I'll ever get over losing you. I don't think I'll ever stop missing you and wanting you back. I love you so much and I always will... Xxx

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