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Your Pet Loss Diaries

'Theresa, Zeus & Shimma'

Such Regrets...

Jun 21, 2010

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Everytime... 23rd June 2010
by: Theresa

Everytime I break down, I come to my lap top hoping and praying that there will be some sort of respite from this pain.

I thank everyone for listening and reading but you know yourself it is only a temporary feel strong and then bang it hit's you again... LIKE A SLEDGE HAMMER!!!

Sunday the 20th June was a terrible day, I was in emotional breakdown. I couldn't stop the tears or the screaming or the the not wanting to be hear anymore and I'm sure you have all been there and felt it.

My son was so concerned and I couldn't explain that after all this time I still couldn't deal with it , but I really knew why...GUILT

You see I had 4 doggies, Shimma,Zeus, wolfie and Lola and when I got the babies (wolfie and Lola) my love was shared maybe wrongly, towards the pups, and shim and zeus were no longer my total life.

They got old and I didn't see it, how stupid of me. I was too busy loving my new babies too see what was happening to my older, loyal, faithful companions, I took too much for granted you see and that is a sin that will haunt me for the rest of my life.

No-one can heal this pain, only death will be my release and santuary and then I can be with them again as I am in my dreams,(but that just deepens the agony) but at this moment I will be strong for my wolf and lola, but god does it hurt and it just isn't getting any better.

I have lost loved one's in the past but this is beyond compare and I hope it doesn't make me a bad person because of it.

Well thank you for being there for me, I am at this moment sitting here on the lap top with my wolf and lola by my side and thanking god that I am still loved so much after all my mistakes..

To my Zeusy and Shimma

Forever together...

Mummy xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Zeus & Shimma
by: Margaret Handy-Williams, Dartmouth, NS, CA

Hi Theresa ..I thought the same way that my Spike, yellow lab, (almost) ten was going to live forever.

From your diaries you have posted, I truely believe Zeus and Shimma knew you adored and loved them. You are doing the right thing, Theresa, by writing down how you feel. Perhaps the next step, and I know this will excrutiating painful and hard for you, is to go to Zeus and Shimma (resting in their caskets) and talk to them. Just pour EVERYTHING OUT! Everything.

My Spike's wooden casket sits on the shelf above his loveseat (where he used to sleep). A nice picture sits next to his casket. Everyday I say hello and talk to him for a bit and smile at his picture. He was such a handsome boy. It gives me great comfort. And I know Spike hears me.

Sometimes I look at Spikes pics (many many pics) and smile and get a teary eyed. My heart cries for him. It always will. Spike was the best. My husband and I now have a new lab. His name is Josh. I talk about Spike to Josh. The whole thing gives my heart comfort. That I haven't forgotten.

Regret is a normal feeling. It sucks. My poor Theresa. You feel regret because you felt you should have noticed sooner. I felt the same with Spike. Wished I would have done something sooner. And then when I did do something, and I did EVERYTHING to keep him with us, I felt horrible pain and regret when he passed. I went through the should of's and regrets. But had to keep reminding myself, that I did everything that I could. It was Spike's time.

The one thing that keeps me going, (and it may help you too Theresa), is my husband and me are very fortunate for the (almost) ten wonderful blissful GREAT years we had with our beautiful Spike.

May you find comfort..

Margaret - hugs

Your Loss
by: Joe

I'm so very sorry for your loss.

Shim and Zeus know you loved them even if you didn't say it. They know by your actions, and by what is inside of you. Animals have a way to sense emotions; they can always see what is in your heart. Knowing this and the passage of time will heal your own heart. Wherever they are now, they would want you to be happy. Your happiness lets them know it is okay for them to be happy in their new place. It's so tough because they can see you and you can't see them, at least with your eyes. But they will come to you. In memories. In dreams.

And one day you will see them again.

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Your Pet Loss Diaries

'Theresa, Zeus & Shimma'

Such Regrets...

Jun 21, 2010