Your Pet Loss Diaries

'Theresa, Zeus & Shimma'

The Pain is Getting Worse, I'm Broken and No-one Knows it but Me...

Jun 29, 2010

by Theresa
(England)

Another day, another Knife in my heart. I woke this morning at 4.30 and just cried out, I went downstairs and just sobbed and sobbed, I just don't know what to do anymore.

I took Margaret's advise and plucked up the courage to go into my son's room and talk to them sleeping peacefully in their caskets side by side, but all I could manage to do was touch them and tell them I loved them over and over again and how sorry I was and will be for the rest of my life, before falling into a heap on the floor, crying uncontrollably and just wanting to die.

It's as if all the pain and loss of all my other doggies that have passed... (Daisha (whom I never got over and never will)Comas, Gretchen, Bruzer, Ciba and Gip) has hit me with a vengeance since the loss of my Zeus and Shimma, just 4 months apart.

This is agony and the guilt is destroying me and I can't forgive myself, they only ever asked for love but I was either too busy or too this or too that to give it, because I never really thought that I would ever be without them.

It's hitting me again bad, so I'm going to go now while I'm still able to control my typing...

Thinking of you every waking moment and in my dreams Zeusy and Shim Shim and love you more than I thought possible...

Your ever loving and sorry mummy xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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