by Kim (Slinky's Momma)
My Slinky came to me into my life by chance. I had seen this video on youtube called "This is Charley" about a cat with cerebellar hypoplasia (CH). I decided after seeing it I wanted a CH kitty of my own.
A few weeks later, my mom went to a friend's house and he had a wobbly little kitten he saved from a "crazy cat lady" . He was trying to find it a home. My mom called me and asked if I wanted her. I agreed and went to get her. She was tiny and thirsty and starving, I dont think she had a full meal her whole life. For 3 days I fed her and gave her water and cat milk by hand because she could not stand , she flopped like a fish.
I took her to a vet that specialized in special needs animals and was horrified to find she was already 2 months old! She fit in my palm! The vet assured me that most animals with this problem learn to walk and become more able with time and I wanted to give her a chance at life so I committed myself to taking care of this otherwise healthy little love sponge.
Sadly, her abilities never improved. I had to put her food right on the floor for her to eat it while laying on her side. I had to give her water while holding her as she could not stabilize herself. She could not use a litter box for this reason as well so she had a designated place in the house for the toilet. I went through a lot of Mr. Clean.
Despite all these "problems" she was my special little buddy ways at my side in my lap or in my bed inside the blankets purring like a mad man. She always looked at me with love and appreciation and this kept me going. Almost 2 years later I became pregnant and the reality that I could not continue this set in. I said to myself that when the baby was born I would put her down. Re-homing her was not possible as she was unfriendly with everyone else.
The baby came but I could not bring myself to do it. I dealt with a newborn and a special needs cat until my baby started to crawl a week ago and I knew there was no way this could work crawling babies and possible cat bathroom accidents just dont mix. She was euthanized 3 days ago.
The sadness is crushing. Although I know being with her in her last moments was the right thing to do, those images haunt me. Her purring after they gave her sedation and knowing it was the last time I would ever hear it. Her last breath and how she died with her eyes open which truly compounded my heartbreak.
But worst of all, I instantly regretted my choice. I just wanted to undo it all and bring her home. I couldn't. I can't. I'm at home and I swear I can hear her meow. I go up to bed and arrange her spot just the way she likes it. I close my eyes and pretend she's there but when I open them, she is not there and overwhelming grief washes over me. I just want to take it all back go get my Slinky cat and put her in her spot.
Slinky cat if you are out there, I hope you can finally run and play like you deserve and if it's not too much to ask, can you come down and lay in your spot for a while? Can you ever forgive me? I miss you so much and I am so sorry. I love you Slinky cat please come home.
Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Your Pet Loss Stories - Cat Stories - S - U.