Your Pet Loss Stories

'Cupcake & Crunchie'

by Frank
(New York)

My Wife adopted 2 kittens 12 years ago. A girl and a boy we named Cupcake and Crunchie. They were like our children.

My Wife unexpectedly died on Nov 3rd 2007. She was only 46 and I am suffering terribly without her. I experience depression, hopelessness, anxiety and stress. It's very hard coping. I see a bereavement counsellor for help with my constant grief.

Esssentially my wife was the primary caregiver to the kitties but after she died I bonded with cats. I've had my troubles with the kitties grieving the loss of their mommy. Cupcake has stopped using the litterbox since mommy died. I do everthing I can to comfort and console her and I do the best I can to take care of them both. My job, travel and daily living routine leaves the cats alone in the house most of the time. On average up to 14 hrs a day away from home. Sometimes a few days alone when I travel. When I come home there is poop everywhere. During the past 16 months this has taken a tremendous toll on my sanity. I now suffer from panic and anxiety in addition to the grief for the loss of my Wife. Sometimes I feel I will have a nervous breakdown.

I took Cupcake to our feline vet since she now has nasty diarhorrea. I have to keep her on 2 medicines twice a day which I have great difficulty giving her. So for the past few months I have been feeling confined, overwhelmed, stress and panic attacks. I feel like I have no life and can't concentrate on work or anything. To add to that my poor sick Mother also died Dec. 24th 2008. My immediate family all live out of state and I can't even visit them for fear of leaving the cats alone. I feel my whole life is falling apart.

Well, I feel now that I may have to give up my fur children as they are affecting my emotional and mental well being. Maybe some people can handle pets alone, but in my current mental situation, I can't. I need to move on with my life. My therapist and pastor advise me that I must take care of myself first, otherwise I will make myself sick.

So, I struggled and struggled for weeks with the idea. On April 23rd 2009 I gave the 12 year old kittens back to the original cat home where we adopted them. Its a lovely cage free shelter where the cats could live forever and be well taken care of. They have volunteers and vet techs that look after all the cats everyday all day long. Cupcake will get her medicine. They will receive more attention and love then I could ever give them. Rationally, I think it was for the best and so do the cat shelter people. I miss their love, companionship, and cuddling in bed so much. I can't stop crying. Nobody wins it seems and I feel guilty because I feel more for the cats then I do for myself.

I hope I did the right thing. I miss them terribly and love them with all my heart and soul. I just don't have the capabilty to take care of them anymore. I am so sad without them but I also feel a sense of relief knowing they will be properly cared for. I hope they are not mad at me and pray that they will welome me when the time comes to cross the "Rainbow Bridge". I did the best I could.

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