The only thing that made my heart feel better was to hold Charlie Chan. The boy was my soul mate, so special to me that from the time I laid my eyes on him, my whole entire world changed. I never once wanted to be apart from him, tried to take him everywhere with me. Because of me not wanting him to be alone, I ended up with his sister and litter mate, Lucy Tui. They were absolutely the loves of my life. I called them my twins. They never spent one night apart from each other in the 12 and a half years that I had them. When one went to the vet, the other went too. They were kept in the same crate, if they needed to be crated, which wasn't often. If I traveled, they went. If I moved, the home I picked out, evolved around them. Through any kind of troubles in my life, I always looked forward to coming home, or spending time with my twins. It seemed perfect for a long time.
Charlie was diagnosed with an enlarged heart. It's like a blur, I can't remember what date that was. I think I thought it was no big deal. He gradually got sicker, as I was constantly adding more and more meds, and trying to adjust our every minute to make him get better. Nothing worked, he was struggling so hard. I begged God to help me do the right thing.... took Charlie to our vet last friday, the 2nd of September, and his physical body didn't come home with us.
I thought I was going to die of pain, actually thought I was ready to cross the Rainbow Bridge. The pain is so intense, I had forgotten how torturous the loss of the physical can be.
I am here with his sister Lucy, and also our latest member Le Roy. I am focusing on celebrating my Charlie's life through loving these two here - if not for him, I wouldn't know that I could love these little spirits so much. The love and joy I received while having him here, is worth every ounce of pain I'm going through now. This morning I was finally able to force myself to for my morning jog, which I always did alone - today was the first day that Charlie could go for a jog with me, and I realize that we will always be together now, he's in my heart and mind.
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