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Sarah,
I'm so sorry about what you've been going through. Today I just got informed by my mom that our old dog has 2 tumors very, very close to her heart & all her stomach is filled up with water & blood, which the doctor doesn't know why, so more studies will be done. The doctor said the best thing would be to put her down since a surgery would be very risky for a dog her age.
I really don't want to put her down. I don't want to take away her life. I don't want to see her slowly pass away & never have her greet me at home. I really hope you can find that light you lost because I can absolutely feel your pain & loss. What comforts me about pet loss, is that they are in heaven, running around & feeling no pain & they're healthy & watching over us.. waiting for us so that they'll walk us into heaven when we meet again.
Hollywood by: Margaret Handy-Williams, Dartmouth, Nova Scotia, CA
What a unique name for a very special pet.
I can truly feel the tight bond you and Holly had, Sarah. The pain you are going through is tremendously difficult. There is, eventually peace.
Like the letter before mine, you loved (and respected) Holly greatly to see her at peace without anymore pain. Guilt is a natural emotion to feel at this time. Though you know it was the right thing to do, the 'what-if's' easily creep into your conscious. I felt the same with my beloved Spike (lab of 10 years; he's here at Pet Loss too). I wish Spike could have lived forever. But it was his time to depart from us. It was time to stop his discomfort. That part of life sucks, saying good-bye to the one you adore and love. I smile at Spike's picture everyday, and say 'good morning'. Sometimes I just stand there and stare at him. My heart weeping the good times we shared.
Guess what I'm saying is. Guilt will eat you up and hinder you dramatically, Sarah-Jane. There is NO-WAY Hollywood would want you to punish yourself. She understood your closeness and she understood (your need to put her at peace. Holly wants (to look down and) see you to be happy with your wonderful memories (you both shared.
Maybe a part of you is afraid that if the guilt subsides, you will stop feeling. That is not so. No matter what, you will always mourn your little girl. But in a more peaceful way.
Margaret - hugs
I feel your hurt by: Anonymous
I am so sorry for your loss. I can tell by your story you and Holly had a very special bond. You gave Holly a happy loving life for twelve years and at the end you showed her just how much you loved her by taking away all her pain and letting her go. There is a prayer from the Monday night candle ceremony and it states:
'I HAVE SENT YOU ON A JOURNEY TO A LAND FREE FROM PAIN NOT BECAUSE I DID NOT LOVE YOU BUT BECAUSE I LOVED YOU TOO MUCH TO FORCE YOU TO STAY.'
I really feel for you I lost my boy nearly twelve months ago and like you I cant get over his loss. When you have loved and cared for someone so long you can't possibly be OK in matter of months it will take time. Holly is at at peace now at Rainbow Bridge and playing with my Lewis and all the other fur babies they are all happy, young and free.
Special blessings to your beautiful Holly and my beloved Lewis at the bridge.
