Your Pet Loss Stories

'I Miss Him Being Here'

by J.F.

I lost my darling Chihuahua, Slappy, on May 4, 2010. He had turned 11 years old in March. He was so wonderful, full of life and love. He was so dependent on us. He always wanted to be nearby, to touch us.

My husband and I got him as a puppy and he was such a joy to have. He was funny, lively, liked to give hugs (he would sit on your lap and press his head against your chest) that was him hugging you. It was so sweet. He LOVED dinner time. He knew when I said "Mommy will save you a bite, and put it in your dish." When I got done eating he'd run to his dish and be so excited to get some of my food there. He was so funny.

He'd wait for my Mom when her and I would go to the resturant, she'd say I gotta take Slappy some, he waits for me. Boy he did wait for her. He'd get so excited, he'd make a beeline to his dish nearly knocking over anybody in his path. He loved to cuddle on the couch with me and my husband. Sometimes I would feel like he was hogging the whole couch and tell him to get down and go lay with David. He'd go, he listened so well. I feel so bad for that now, I'd give anything to have him on that couch with me now.

Slappy had a heart murmur for years. One day we were getting in my truck and he jumped in not making the jump. His back legs were dangling and kicking as he pulled himself up into the truck. I feel that this did something to his heart by the strain of pulling himself up. A week later we went for a walk and after we got home Slappy had a seizure. It was awful. I took him to a vet and he did xray of his chest and said he had an enlarged heart and was in congestive heart failure. He suggested a specialist hospital.

To make a long story shorter, Slappy recovered from that seizure, I took him to his own vet after easter and she gave him heart murmur pills, the next day he was stumbling all over the place, she said decrease the dose, I did. Two days later he could not walk. He ended up in an animal hospital for the next 3 nights. We brought him home and gave him the meds they gave us. He improved over the next 2 weeks, only to then get weaker and he passed away.

The neurologist at this hospital said she wanted Slappy to have an MRI, it was very expensive. My husband and I decided not to have the MRI done and to give Slappy a chance to get well. I wish now we would have gotten that stupid MRI. The neurologist said she thought Slappy had a brain tumor. I could not have even afforded radiation if it came to that as it would be around 7000 dollars.

Why must pet hospitals be so expensive? I think they prey on the love you have for your pet and take advantage of that. We spent al ot of money there and I felt like they didn't even care. I did have an ultra sound done on Slappy's heart, while there and he said he could have anasteisa to have the mri done. If his heart was not the problem, what was? I still do not think he had a brain tumor.

I feel so guilty for giving Slappy all of the meds for the last few weeks of his life. I am so ashamed of myself. I feel like I made all of the wrong decisions in trying to help my dog. I have cried everyday since his demise and I cannot stop. I feel like my life is over without him here and I do not want to go on. I know this is wrong but I cannot help it! Slappy was my life and I miss him so much.

I will never stop missing him and loving him. I just wish I had been a better pet parent to him. He was so smart and so beautiful. I miss him with all of my being and I want to be with him again. I am sorry for all of the bad things he had to endure because of me and my stupid decisions!!!!!!!!!!!!! If I had only helped him in the truck that day, I believe he'd still be here. I hope he will forgive me.

I love you Slappy. OX

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