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Your Pet Loss Stories

'My Beautiful Lloyd'

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I know what you're going through.
by: Tabatha

I couldn't help but cry reading your story. Trust me when I say you are not alone. I had to make the same decision to put my bulldog to rest at the age of 4 1/2 due to cancer. I had him, Shady, since 7 weeks. Healthy as could be. He was my best friend. Closer to me than family. He was my life. 24/7. People said I was obsessed and I never cared. Looking back now I am even more happy I was so in love with him. In July, he started peeing frequently. Drinking a lot. I assumed it was the heat and a simple uti. But I brought him to our vet anyway. Never did I expect to get a call with the word cancer. I was told "Shady doesn't have any infections, however his calcium is very high" I knew that my doctor was avoiding telling me more. I instantly knew something was wrong. After a long pause he said "usually levels these high indicate a possibility of cancer"

I balled. Left work to speak to him in person. Even though it would've taken a week for the results to come back, I prepared for the worst. The next week was the longest of my life. I don't think I left the floor. Never knew I could cry so much. I felt guilty. I was helpless. My child, my dog, whom I've protected against everything ..... I couldn't help now. It was lymphoma. Which kills quickly. We were given 3-5 weeks. My happy Shady, who had no signs of illness was being taken away by cancer as I watched.

I began chemotherapy the next day. We were given positive stories and I believed we would beat this. It was the worst 5 months of my life. He went into remission once. For a week. Then the cancer spiraled. In November, he took a turn. I had to make the call you did. I still see the look in his eyes. I still hurt every minute. Every day. I feel I should've been able to do more. He didn't deserve this. So young. He was my rock.

Tears pouring as I write this. Please know I have been there and still struggle daily. I am here if you need support. I am positive Lloyd is watching you. Talk to him. All the time. Tell him your thoughts. Cry if you need to. I promise he hears you. My email Best of wishes for you and your family. We are in this together. We will see them again someday. I also say I wish I was dead and with him. Holding him. ;(

Thank you
by: Jodie

Thank you for your lovely kind words, it will be 2 weeks tomorrow that I lost one of the loves of my life, I am still in desperate pain and heartache with losing him, I feel as though I am never going to get through this :( I miss Lloyd so so much...

I did have a dream Wednesday that he was lying in bed next to me and I was really cuddling up to him, it felt so real, but I'm not sure if I was cuddling Peggy thinking it was Lloyd :(...Thursday night though I dreamt I was in bed and Lloyd was there and I screamed (in my dream) with excitement, and I was so happy as it felt as though it was just a bad dream he had gone and he was still with me, Lloyd was running around and around on the bed in excitement and I just hugged and kissed him for ages, then I woke up..... it felt so real... then I had to go through all the heartache again of realizing he is gone..

I just cant believe he is gone, I miss him desperately :,(

Thank you again for your kind words

Jodie x

So very sorry
by: Dayle

Dear Jodie...I know exactly how you feel. I had a special boy... Oliver...who got me through hell and was there for me always. He was my baby. I lost Ollie...I had to make the decision to end his life because of the same problems your baby had. Ollie was fine...then suddenly his breathing became bad. They thought he might have cancer. I had thousands of dollars of testing done...but they still weren't sure...just suspicious of it. I had the fluid drained from around Ollie's help him breath, but then he stopped eating and was vomiting constantly. I spent 10 days forcing fluids down his throat. Every day we were at the vets. I gave him shots of antibiotics twice a day. But in the end Jodie...I lost him.I could not bear to lose him...and tried everything I knew how to keep him here with me. The last hospital told me the kindest thing I could do was to let him go. I let him go ...thinking I was doing the right thing. But now Jodie...I feel as if I murdered my best friend. It has been over 8 months...and I cry every single day. I know how you feel. It is the absolute worst pain I have ever felt...and I have been through horrific physical pain in my life. But the heartbreak of losing my best buddy has been nearly unbearable. I hate the vet who told me to let him go. I hate the vets who seemed like they did nothing. Jodie...I feel as if I hate life. Nothing is the same. But I have 2 new babies...and they are sweet and loving. I know they need me...and love me. I think sometimes Ollie's spirit comes through to me through them. I know Ollie never ever wanted to see me cry. He wanted only my happiness. He kissed away every tear. And my new babies do the same thing. It is really hard right now for you...I know that. Your loss is so new. You'll never forget or stop feeling the loss of your baby...but it will get better. Little by little you will be able to smile and forget for a little while. We both know Jodie that someday we will lose our babies. We don't think about that day when we get them. It always seems like it happens way too soon. I wish so much that they had longer lives. Why they don't...I will never understand. But know that it is quality...not quantity that counts in the end. It sounds like you were a wonderful mom...and gave your baby a good life. Please find some peace in thinking about that. Some dogs are not as lucky. They never get to feel that kind of love. Be good to yourself...and know you are not alone....sending love and hugs to you....Dayle

by: Jodie

It's just beyond hard, I feel drained from any energy... Lloyd is on my mind all the time and it hurts so much... I can't believe he is gone :( xxx

by: Daxies Mom

Hi Jodie,
I can relate to how you are feeling. I can't say I know how you feel because each one of our griefs is a personal thing. We grieve in our own way and in our own time. No one has the ability to feel our pain the way we do.
I had to put my furbaby to sleep in December of 2008 and that was the hardest thing I had to do too. My baby was suffering and I could not let him go on this way. Jodie, Lloyd is with you in spirit even though you can not feel his presence.
Here it is 3 1/2 years later and I still miss him though not as keenly as I did then. I take comfort in that my baby is Forever in my heart and memories as is Lloyd is in yours. They have gone to Rainbow Bridge and when it is time we will see them again never to be parted again.
While here below we have to go on... Peggy needs you now more than ever, she is missing her playmate and friend too, she will be grieving for her loss too.
For a while I journalled about my baby, it sure helped me. Crying is a language God understands. He knows how you feel, lean on His strength to get you thru.

Much love

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'My Beautiful Lloyd'.