Your Pet Loss Stories

'My Heart, My Maple'

by CK

Some of our last days were blessed

Some of our last days were blessed

Maple entered our life as a "pal" for our boy, Cody. Not that Cody really ever wanted a little sister -- boy did he get one! She was "hell" on wheels and proved to be the "queen" the moment she padded into the house with her overly big paws. She was not what most would call a "pretty" Springer, one ear white and one ear liver, a liver spot on top of her head -- the aforementioned is where she got her name. It looked like "Maple" syrup had dropped on her head. But her beauty was unspoken with the deep brown eyes and the way she wagged the "nub" of a tail; and of course to me, her mother, she was the most beautiful girl in the world.

I lost my girl this week. After a valiant struggle through liver disease, pancreatitis and various other issues, we needed to make the decision that has left me inconsolable. You see, Maple was my child, my best friend, my co-worker, and heart. She made me a better human.

Since I have been working from my home, I have a solitude life with little interaction with other people. Maple was with me 24/7. She was in my office every day, we scheduled our lunch time together, she slept in my bed with a head on a pillow next to me (yes, under the covers). She knew me more deeply and understood my nuances better than any person or previous pet that I've had -- I in turn could read her like a book. I knew her moods and especially when she was not feeling good but when they talk about dogs being "stoic" they had nothing on my tough wonder dog. At 13-1/2 to have fought through pancreatitis made me understand just how much she wanted to be with us through the holidays.

There are so many wonderful memories that I have but in this darkest now, I find it tough to remember all the wonderful things that Maple was and how she transformed my life. I just selfishly miss her warm beautiful eyes looking at me every day. I am a spiritual person and believe that we will be together one day but I am not a patient person and wish that when I walk through this empty house that I had her here. While intellectually I know that we helped her move on before she had to suffer, I cannot reconcile myself to the actual decision/act and have enormous guilt that maybe one more try -- but as I said, I knew her better than anyone and she was telling me it was time.

The feelings are raw and I'm trying to grieve but also want to honor the life of this wonderful creature (who believed she was more human than dog). I wonder that when Maple left she also took my heart?

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