(San Diego, California)
The memory of you in my heart is deep and ever present. It not only makes my heart severely ache, but also feel as light as a cloud when I think of the wonderful experiences we shared. The world is full of corruption and evil of every varying degree and can manifest themselves in all persons! However, my dogs are my sanctuary, comforting me from the ills of the world. Investing my heart, time, and resources in my dogs is just as, if not more satisfying than a relationship with most humans.
Riley, it has been a year since you left. I am the only one in the family who still mourns you. No one understands how emotionally I can feel this way towards dogs and animals. I respect that they are different and acknowledge that not every harbors this passion like I do, yet it is hard to be different. Either way, about every month I break down about losing you Ri. It hinders my spirit, how can I move on?
Preshuss changed dramatically when you left. She seemed down, lethargic, and distant. Her leader was gone. The 'life of the party' was no longer there. It was quiet. You know Presh. We had to get another little boy. He's extremely intelligent and energetic. But he's got nothing on your ability to make us laugh and be silly. His name is Winston by the way. You'll meet him some time.
I was younger when we got you and our customer had your year old puppy self that they couldn't keep because of the noise level you made and the small house/backyard. So the whole family went to meet you and pick you up. And then you met Bini, Buddy and Sunny. We were a happy family with four dogs! And you had all the personality mister. The comedian of the family!
I miss your incessant need to have your butt scratched, butt-surfing (which was hilarious because you did it so nonchalantly), your fascination with planes in the sky, your annoying barking, how you pooped while running basically, and more. These aren't very original habits but how you did them makes them one of a kind. We could yell at you to do something (right in your face) and somehow you lost your hearing at the same time (very convenient) while searching the sky for the next airplane to bark at and not even giving us an acknowledging glance.
Anyways RiRi, Jeff, Suzanne, and I all dug your grave outside by the berry tree. It was so hard knowing you'd be resting in it forever. We thought you were getting better! And you only looked worse now. I couldn't bare seeing your sickly eyes and yellow face. You wagged your tail once for us on the 3rd visit to see you though. Thank you!!
The night when I slept with you guys in the kitchen... I was hoping you'd die in my arms. Every breath you took and held for a while I prayed it was your last. I knew that most likely whatever the circumstance was, that it would just get worse and more painful. When woken up by Papa I was in a panic because you had thrown up bile. I got you as soon as I could to get help. But it was eventually your time Ri.
Waiting outside the door, knowing you were about to sleep forever was agonizing. However, it wasn't until we were walking out and I looked over at you in a bag on a stretcher that it hit me. Seeing you in a plastic bag made me panic! I covered my ears the whole ride back so I didn't have to hear the plastic bag crinkle whenever the car jerked.
Papa wanted Preshuss to say goodbye. He laid you on the patio and opened the bag. I had to look even though I didn't want to. She was hesitant to approach and at a little distance sniffed you. She looked beyond confused. I wrapped you in one of our big fleece blankets and cut a heart in the center. We tucked you in your bed. Now you are forever with us physically.
I miss you so much. I love you. You were beautiful. Maybe a little to fat but it happens. I can't wait to go to the beach, hike, sleep, and play with you again. Don't have too much fun without me!!
Until then yours truly,
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