Your Pet Loss Stories

'My Sweet Rahasia.... My Familiar'

by Maegan
(Bakersfield, CA USA)

Sweetest girl

Sweetest girl

January 1998... after going to a pet store I discovered a very cute tortie-cat. She was older than most of the other kittens (@ 5 months), but the moment I put my finger in her cage I knew she was to come home with me. She rubbed and rubbed and had such a fantastic purr... rich and deep.

We bonded quickly and she loved to bring me treats. After a while I noticed a pattern. She would catch live animals and bring them to me... then I would let them go... she would do this again until the third catch. The third time she caught the animal it would end up dead in her water bowl (as did my scrunchies and socks).

One day she brought home a cute little white mouse... this was the second time she brought it home and it was still alive. Knowing the fate that this lil mouse would have if I let it go I purchased a small mouse cage and decided that sweet Rahasia would have a pet. Sure enough for the rest of that mouse's life Rahasia would lay right outside of the cage and purr at that mouse.

Rahasia was there with me through Columbine, 9/11, the birth of my children, my divorce, and the death of my step-dad. She was my "it" cat... that pet that just feels like an extension of you, kinda like a soulmate. She helped me through all of the hurts and happiness. I got her when I was 21 and still in college. Now, at 34, I am going through my first day without her. My eyes are super-puffy and I keep crying, I am in a daze and feel like I am dreaming.

Rather than go into the story of her illness too much, I want to focus on her prior to it, so I will say that she developed cutaneous squamous cell carcinoma. Surgery removed it, 2 months later she developed a new one... again surgery removed it. Within two weeks she developed oral squamouse cell carcinome (a much bleaker outlook). I took her to LA for radiation for a week. A few weeks later it looked like the tumor had shrunk to nothing.

That was a month ago. In a months time the tumor recurred with a vengeance. I could have kept her longer than I did, but I knew she was in pain and she had dropped 2 lbs in a month (11-9) and I knew it would be a downward spiral. Although I love her to death I could not endure her suffering just to prevent mine. I miss her like hell and feel alone for the first time in 13 years, today is much harder than I thought. I thought that since I have known that she is terminal for the last month that the grief would be minimal.... not the case.

My girl... MY girl, I love you very, very much and so miss your wonderful purr, your sweet kisses, and your super soft fur. I miss hearing you talk to me and I just miss having you in this world.

You are always in my heart.

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