Anger and validation - Thank you so much!
I lost my sweet little hedgehog, Wednesday (a.k.a. Little Miss Wee) early on Saturday morning. I went through a few days of being horribly grief-stricken, constantly in tears. She was my tiny little buddy, and I got to hold her before she went for a couple hours. I couldn't be more thankful for the fact that I was home to notice that she was having a relapse (respiratory infection with pneumonia) after a couple weeks of improved health, and that I got to comfort her and give her so much love.
I buried her in my parents' extremely beautiful garden - the whole place radiates love, as my Mom has put so much work into it and it is truly the best paradise for a little animal. I buried her in a little wooden box my Dad made, with tea roses and my favorite cotton bandana and a little note. We placed her in a protected spot under the star jasmine, with her little nose pointing toward the flower beds. I like to imagine her little spirit running there, snuffling with delight at all the lovely new smells.
Yesterday I was stricken with guilt, but with help of online sites I was able to work through this and redirect my thinking. Today has been much easier - in fact, it was feeling too easy. I didn't like that. I began to feel a sense of distancing myself from my pet, and eventually I started feeling anger toward her. How terrible to feel anger at a pet I loved - I began to feel really horrible. I needed some guidance, so I got online and googled "stages of grief pet loss", looking desperately for something to help me understand what I was going through.
Your site is the only one that said what I needed to hear, that anger at a pet for leaving was something that might happen and that it was perfectly natural to feel it. Immediately I started to cry and the feelings of love came back, and the anger and distancing hardness were gone.
I would probably have spent the whole night awake, crying, over the fact that I was going through that. Your page on the rainbow bridge made me cry, but in a good, healing way. Thank you so much for EVERYTHING you've posted here, it has truly helped me and I can only imagine how many other people you have touched.
Don't let anyone tell you that you aren't doing something wonderful by having this site. I can't understand why they would, but I agree - all such sentiments are rubbish!