Your Pet Loss Diaries

'Pamela & Mini'

About Mini

Mini, my beautiful black and white 10lb Jack Russell girl. She was only 6 yrs old when she died way too soon.

When did you lose Mini?

Mini lost her life 3 days ago, on Nov 6th 2010. We were at our daughters new home having a house warming dinner. There were 8 of us there. As usual Mini wanted to be up on my knee, she was a real mommy's girl, but I told her she would have to wait until we were finished. Someone opened the patio door a few inches as the room was warm. When we had finished dinner, I called for her and she wasn't in the room. It was cold outside and she hated the cold, so I felt sure that she would be somewhere in this strange house with it's many new smells. She wasn't.

We all split up and scoured the neighbourhood after realizing that my son in law had left the side gate open. It was dark out and none of us were very familier with the area. I was frantic. She had never been on her own before and certainly wasn't 'street wise'. My baby girl was out in the dark in a strange place and it was cold. She never ever attempted to leave our own back yard, so what was going through her mind?

My husband went home to see if anyone had picked her up, as she was wearing a tag with her name and our phone number on it. There was a message......a very distraught lady had been driving along an unlit road. Mini had stepped out in front of her and there was nothing she could do to stop the inevitable. It would seem that Mini was instantly killed. I remember wailing like a banshee as we drove to the spot where we were told she was.

Now she is in a local pet cemetary, and I am wearing her name tag on a necklace, just so that I can feel some part of her is literally against my skin. I should have been able to protect her. I let my baby down and it cost her her life.

At which stage of pet loss grief do you feel you are currently at?

Utter despair. I can't move her things just yet, the thought almost sends me into a panic attack. The pain is physical as well as emotional. I don't know how I am getting through the days.

Pamela and Mini's Story so far

Mini was the result of my neice's 2 Jack Russells. She weighed 5 ounces when she was born and was rejected straight away by her mother. The vet said that it was just nature taking it's course and the puppy would likely die, but my niece was determined to try everything and so the feeding began with a dropper. Every day we thought it would be her last, but she survived and I helped with the night feeds when I could, so yes we graduated to having her fulltime.

She was a nutcase as a lot of Jack Russells are. Fixated on her favourite toy, and full of energy, but she slept in our bed every single night and would snuggle against me whichever way I turned. I took her with me wherever I could, hence she was at the dinner party with us. If I sat down she automatically jumped up on my knee. I want the world to see how beautiful my angel was, but right now I can't attach a picture as I just can't bear to see her on a screen, when she should be sat right here with me now.