Your Pet Loss Diaries

'Benji & Cinnamon'

Getting By

Mar 23, 2011

by Benji

It's been a while since I've updated, but life has been hectic. Still, even through the hustle and bustle of life, I have been thinking of you, Cinnamon. About a week ago, I thought for sure I'd lost your collar (again) and I panicked until I finally found it, and when I did, I cried again.

I haven't been breaking down as much this week and I think the anger is calming down. I'm not sure I'm to the point where I've grown to accept that you're gone yet, but I think I'm a few steps closer. There are still times, though, when I feel like something is missing. It's truly as if you took a big piece of me with you the day you left this world. But you should know, you left a piece of you with me. I realize that even though you're gone, you will always be with me in spirit.

I remember reading a poem that stated that the author would love every dog in the future twice as dear because of his late dog, and I finally understand the words again. You gave me an amazing view of life. You weren't perfect - no dog is - but you came awfully close. Looking into your eyes was like looking into your soul, and a gentle soul it was. Even if I never own and am owned by another dog like you, I will still appreciate every dog even more because of you. For life is precious, and you taught me that. And I hope I never do own another dog like you, Cinnamon. For you were one of a kind, and that was one of the things I loved so much about you.

There may be more Shetland sheepdogs in my future, more Australian shepherds, maybe a Border Collie, or a Collie, or a Cardigan Welsh Corgi, but none of them will be you and I'm okay with that. Because every dog is unique and special in their own way and I want to remember you that way. As the special dog you always were to me.

The loss still hurts, Moo Moo, but I'm getting by. I'm always thinking of you. Always. But at least now, sometimes I look at your pictures and smile. Even if it is rare that I do.

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