Your Pet Loss Diaries

'Dale & Blue'

My Baby Boo-Boo

Saturday Dec 6, 2008

by Dale Blake
(Oswego NY, America)

It's been about a month and a half since Blue died and I'm still having a real hard time with this. I can't believe he is really gone. This really is not happening. I'm overwhelmed with grief. Guilt. Sadness. I miss him. God I miss him. I keep waking up from all these really wierd nightmares and I get sucked right back in again.

I keep thinking tomorrow is going to be better. But it never is. I'm not understanding why this is happening to me. WHY, WHY, WHY. I have a really supportive Husband. But lately I have been hiding a lot of my pain from him. I can't keep making us both miserable all the time. I can't afford to see a counsellor or antidepressants. Me and my husband travel around the country for work so I have no land phone for hotlines so I have to deal with this crap by my self.

I'm really thankful to Bunny for making this website possible for people like me. I hope someday I can help her too. Should I get another puppy, will that make me feel better or will I just be doing it to save my feelings? I already know I can't or won't ever be able to replace Blue. I just don't know how long I can live with this. It's draining me. I'm weak. I dont know how to act. I can't shake this thing. I feel like a prisoner in my own body.

I was so happy everything was going my way and then I crashed. Never even seen it coming, my baby died in my arms on the way to the vets. I live this nightmare every day never waking up. I pray and I pray. Begging god to help me through this. Is he listening to me.

Click here to go straight to the next page of this diary

Click here to read or post comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Your Pet Loss Diaries - 'Dale & Blue'.