Your Pet Loss Diaries

July 3, 2011

by Elyse
(Merced, CA)

Krista, my dear sweet angel. I miss you so much. I still can't believe you're gone. Last week when I came home, I was so depressed I couldn't even function. I laid in bed and cried, slept, and cried some more. The first time I woke up and you weren't at my side I thought the crying would never stop.

It's been a hard week for me. I've cried for you every night. Brian made chicken that first night and I ate 2 bites then sobbed because you weren't there begging for a bite. The next morning when I got dressed it was hard to get through my routine without stopping to let you up on the counter for that drink of water from the faucet. When I went to feed your siblings it broke my heart to see that empty bowl. So many things to get used to.

I still think I see you. I catch a movement from the corner of my eye and I expect it to be you. When someone jumps up on the bed at night and I'm awake just enough to feel it, I think it's you.

I'm wearing your collar around my wrist. Is that ok? Brian put it on me that first day you were gone and I haven't been able to part with it since then. It makes people give me some weird looks, granted, but since when have I ever cared?? It gives me some peace to wear it, like carrying a part of your life along with me.

I wish you were still here. I always told you that you're only job in life was never to leave me. Brian keeps telling me that you're still with me, and maybe he's right. But I can't hear you purring, or feel your soft kisses on my hand. So, if you're there, could you speak up just a little for me?

I found a poem today that reminded me of you so much. I sat and read it with tears streaming down my face. You were so much to me for such a long time that I have trouble realizing that life must go on.

Mommy misses you my darling baby - You were there for everything, and I still want to talk to you. I hope you can hear me. I love you so much.