Your Pet Loss Diaries

by Hilary

I know it seems silly, but since I got rid of the house phone I have a few pictures Suzy sitting there. I light a candle for her every night…. Tomorrow will be two weeks. It’s hard to believe… I still miss her so desperately, it physically hurts…

Sybil has started wandering around the apartment at about 3:00 am… she has this deep mournful meow and she comes and jumps on the bed, meows to me really loud and I try to pet her and she jumps off the bed, and starts the circuit of places where Suzy used to lay… it’s heart breaking to hear and watch her do that…. She will eventually jump back on the bed, meow real soft a few times and lay down so I can pet her… That’s when I fall back asleep… I just hope that she will eventually stop… Her appetite is still good (go figure) and I’m making sure to set aside lots of time to play and brush her and stuff, but this early am crying is devastating…

She will lay in every spot Suzy did, with the exception of two places. The cat bed in the bedroom, which was always covered with the blanket, and the stool at the end of the papasan chair… She won’t lay on that either… It’s almost like she knows those were Suzy’s special places and is, I think, avoiding those because I guess maybe she figures one night at 3 in the morning she’ll stumble upon her….

I’m just trying so hard to get through all this… I guess I’m finally realizing that this is my new reality, without her, and it hurts….

To be honest, I’m looking forward to Saturday. It will get me out of the house for awhile and I won’t have to think so much……

Geez… who would have thought I would have to even go through this right now……