Your Pet Loss Diaries

'Lorna & Baxter'

I Still Can't Believe He's Gone

Mar 23, 2011

by Lorna
(Houston TX)

It's been 4 days since my Baxter has left. I still feel him with me in spirit. It could be me going crazy. It's as if he is saying 'Don't cry Mom I was tired'.

At the time I got the news I was at work and called a friend of mine. She told me I needed to calm down. Fact was I couldn't. How do you calm down? The little boy that followed me from room to room, stood at the window for me to come home, laid by the bath tub when I took a bath is gone.

I wish someone could tell me how to quit crying. I have lost dogs in the past nothing has ever hit so Hard. I have other dogs at home, I love them but now I feel numb. I am able to take care of their physical needs and I do love them but the one that is gone I just want to hold on and never let go.

I hope there is a bridge that I may see him again. I can picture him sitting with his older sister, Leesa that I lost 6 years ago.

I don't know what takes the pain away. When do you stop expecting to see them when you return from work.

Baxter adopted me I didn't him. He was 2 years old a private rescue had him. He came out of their room and jumped on my lap. It was love at first sight. Baxter had been through 3 homes. Baxter had a bad seperation axiety problem. We worked through it. It took a lot of years, a lot chewed up doors, and escape. Yet, we did work through it and he understood Mom would always come home. I had him 11 years.

Sunday his heart just stopped. Two days before he was walking and fine.

I guess with my other dog it was easier. She was sick for a long time. I loved her but nothing like this one that had my heart and soul.


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