Your Pet Loss Stories

'Holly'

by Sarah Jane
(England )

It has been 10 months now since I lost the light of my life Holly - somebody please tell me it gets better as I am struggling beyond words. I can't speak to anyone as I know everyone will think I am crazy but inside my heart is breaking into tiny pieces. I absolutely adored my little girl, she was my companion, my life, my reason, my girl!!

The day she passed has to be the worst day of my life, I have never felt loss like this before and I don't know how to handle it. Me and Holly were together for 12 years and it angers me that I am supposed to be ok after 10 months!!!! A light went out the day she passed and I am scared I will never get it back. The world is not a better place without her so WHY!! I don't want to feel like this I just don't know how to stop feeling like this!!!!

I know a lot of this is guilt for deciding to put her to sleep as she had a brain tumor and was extremely sick. Intellectually I know it was the right thing to do for her, I would never have seen her suffering unnecessarily however my heart is saying something different, I was her Mum and was there to protect her not to kill her! I know I will never forgive myself for being the one who decided when her last breath would be.

Its cruel, how are you supposed to carry on when you have had to do that? When does the hoping and praying that tonight when you walk in the door she will be there STOP, when does the ache in your heart dissapear, when does the worry end that they are ok (wherever it is they are).

We were inseperable and I feel completely alone.

I truly miss her XXXX