Your Pet Loss Diaries

'Billie & Be' Be'

About Be' Be'

Be' Be' - my small grey and white tabby girl who weighed about 6 pounds her whole life.

When did you lose Be' Be'?

I lost her yesterday - I had to put her down at the Vet.

At which stage of pet loss grief do you feel you are currently at?
Or how are you feeling right now?


I am miserable.

Billie and Be' Be's Story so far

I found Be' Be' when I was 24 years old - I am 42 now. I was riding my bike and found her abandoned down at the city dock, there was an over turned box with kitty litter in it and cat food. She was hiding underneath a bench near the river water. I picked her up, tucked her in my shirt and rode home on my bike. She was covered with fleas so I gave her a flea bath. I scared her with the running water and she bit me... very badly. After I bandaged myself up. I returned to dry her off and picked the dead fleas off her with tweezers. I named her Be' Be' because she was the smallest then of my four cats.

After leaving my boyfriend then, I took all of my cats with me and lived in another apartment with my sister and her boyfriend. It became an unfortunate situation because the cats just p*ssed them off. So I moved to my Dad's house for a while. I brought all 4 cats with me. I moved to my Mom's house - I brought all four cats with me. I finally got an apartment of my own... all four cats moved in with me. I had to move again to a better apartment.

It was while living there that my Mother got killed in a car accident. My cats comforted me through that situation. Be' Be' and the other three were a constant source of Love. I moved to a little apartment in Washington DC with a boyfriend. My Grandmother died and left me a little money. I used that money to move to Arlington Virginia. We moved to a townhouse near the Pentagon. Then September 11th happened, it was horrifying. My cats got me through. Then my cat Sumyn became very sick with a heart ailment and after spending thousands of dollars on her - I had to get her put to sleep :(

A year later I adopted my cat Romeo, he loved Be' Be' in particular. Years went by. Be' Be' was always a comfort to me - always snuggled with me.

I met a man in the Army and soon we moved into a house that he bought. I moved all four cats with me. They had to stay in the basement most of the time though because the man that I was with did not want cat hair everywhere.

Then my cat Salym got sick with Kidney Disease... he died within 6 months of his diagnosis... he was 17 years old.

I moved out of that house, because the man I was with did not want to marry me. So my three remaining cats and I moved to a one bedroom apartment in Falls Church. My oldest cat who turned 20 in 2011, got very sick and I had to put her down.

I only had Be' Be' and Romeo left. Be' Be' developed an ear infection in both ears. I took her to the vet and they noticed a growth in her left ear, it grew and grew until it filled up her ear canal. She had to go into surgery to get it removed. The growth was sent off to be tested. The results came back positive as cancer. My Be' Be' had cancer and I was devistated.

I put her through two more surgeries because the tumor would grow back within three months. After the last surgery, a tumor grew behind her ear, on her head. It was very hard and could not be removed surgically. There was nothing the Vet could do except give me steroids and pain killers to give to Be' Be'. The tumor grew. Another tumor grew on her throat and on her chest... they got bigger and bigger... she lost weight.

This past weekend she hardly ate anything. Monday hardly ate anything... she had a tiny little bowel movement in the kitty box. She became very weak and wobbly. Tuesday she would not eat anything. That is when I decided to take her in. I was there with her and held onto her until the very end. I do not think she wanted to go... she had been battling this horrible deforming disease for a year and she would have kept on dealing with it. I did not want to see her go through any more pain though. If she wasn't going to eat anymore - the time to put her down was then.

So now - the next day - I can't stop thinking about her... I have been crying off and on all day. The heartache is killing me.

Romeo, my last cat has been looking for her. This is all really sad.

I will love Be' Be' forever. She was so good to me.

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'Billie & Be' Be'

Still Sad And Angry.... Blaming Myself Too

March 16, 2012

 
Very sad today - I can't stop playing her euthanasia over and over in my head! I am miserable. I am angry because she did not deserve this cancer that …

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