At which stage of pet loss grief do you feel you are currently at?
I am still at the feeling numb, unmotivated stage. The "what if" I could have done this stage.
Rebecca and Whisk's Story so far
I found Whisk when she was just 3 days old. Her and her brothers and sister were in the back of a truck being towed away. Their mother was gone. A neighbor came pounding on my door very late at night begging me to take the kits. And of course, I did. They instantly became a part of my life. I remember taking them to work with me just so I could bottle-feed them every couple of hours. I would wake at night to little cries of hunger. It was never a chore for me, they were my kits!
Because they were abandoned by their mother at a very young age, the sucking and kneading continued all their lives. Whisk was such a silly girl. Every night she just had to be on my tummy, nestling in my hair as she purred so deep. She loved being brushed too! Her long hair was constantly getting tangled which I don’t know how, being she was always indoors. So when I pulled out the brush, she was the first on the bed to be groomed. Sometimes she didn’t like when I tried gently to brush out the tangles and she would meow angrily at me and jump off the bed. But within just seconds, she'd be back up for more. Silly girl!
Then it all began August of 2009. She had tried to jump up on the toilet, but missed. She cried out in pain. I noticed her back legs were weak. I thought at the time she just had a muscle cramp. But it persisted. I noticed her ankles were a little swollen. I took her to Dr Mike. After x-ray and blood work, it was discovered that the bones in her ankles did not look right. Some form of arthritis. I took her home with medicine and kept an eye on the problem. It wasn’t getting better. After several months, she began losing muscle mass in just her hindquarters. She developed sores on her ankles, both inside and out that would ooze stuff. I would put the special medicine on the spots but it didn’t help. Because just when one sore seemed to get better, another sore would open up some where else. She also got a similar sore in one ear and under her tongue. But she was eating, drinking, and using the box just fine, so I thought she would get better.
By February, I made a special place for her next to my bed. She totally knew that was “her” spot. She would wait there for me day and night. I started bring food to her so she wouldn’t have to use her legs too much in case it hurt. I think it might have hurt but she never complained. I would feed her before I went to work, I’d come home at lunch to give her a little something, and first thing at night when I got home. I even bought carpeted steps for her to get up on the bed, but since her muscles were weak, she was unable to use them. She was NEVER a burden to me. She was starting to lose weight and I wanted to make sure that next time we saw Dr. Mike, her weight would go up. It never did.
She became quite a regular at Western Vet Group. And she never complained about that either. She would just slip in the carrier with no problems. The look on her face said, “Here we go again!”
April 2009, the sores were getting out of control, the powder was not helping and the thing under her tongue was growing, but she was starting to move around more. She was showing signs of improvements, so I thought. I would come home and she would be on the bed!! She would somehow manage to get on the bathroom sink to drink! She seemed to have this extra spurt of energy all of the sudden. But then she took a turn for the worst. The sore in her mouth grew so much it was preventing her from grooming her self (as well as the others, she loved to groom everyone). And it was preventing her from eating and drinking. She was so hungry. I tried and tried to get food and water into her, but she just couldn’t do it. It was preventing her from swallowing. It was going on day 2 of no food and water.
May 11th I came home at lunch to try and get her to eat just one more time. And she told me then…… it is time to let me go. She could not go on anymore. She said she was tired. I took off work and we took her in. Dr. Mike said there was nothing else he could do. Her organs were already beginning to shut down. She could not be fixed any more. She told me it was ok, that she had to go. I held her in my arms one last time as she fell quietly to sleep. She has no more pain. She is not hungry any more. She lives in my heart forever now, never to be forgotten. I will let you go.....................
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