Your Pet Loss Diaries

'Dea & Samantha'

Samantha

Jan 13, 2013

Hey honey bear ~

Well my love ~ today is day 107. I miss you more and more with each passing second. I can’t handle this. The more I think about you, the crazier and sadder I get but I can’t not think about you. So, what am I supposed to do? What else? I think about you all the time and just get crazier and sadder.

My favorite and worst moment is that split second when I start to wake up and I’m between awake and asleep ~ before I have time to realize and remember that you’re not here. Too bad I can’t figure out how to stay in that in between place, if not forever at least longer.

I guess I am adjusting in my own way ~ before when I woke up and you weren’t there with me, I would panic, look around the room for you, then jump up and go find you. Now: when i wake up and you’re not there, I still look around and panic and I jump up and by that time I remember and lay back down. Before: I hoped you would jump in the window but knew you couldn’t. Now: I know you can’t but hope you will.

I still tell people when asked that I have 3 cats. I know I only have 2 but they don’t . . . although they probably wonder why I’m crying when I say I have 3. I know but they don’t.

Well my love, your daddy should be out on the 24th. I wonder if you would even remember him after 18 months. As you know, I wrote and told him about what happened and in his letter back to me, he said that maybe you died to get us back together . . . because if you had not died I never would have written to him. I pray that’s not true. I do not plan on getting back together with him so if it’s true, then you will have died for nothing.

I swear my baby ~ if there was a way I could know for sure that we would be together, I swear I would join you. But with my luck, I can’t take that chance and hope it’s true when it’s my time.

Anyway my girlie girl ~ I love and miss you ~ you are always in my head and heart . . .

I just want my cat back!! I just want my cat back!!
i just want my Sammy back!!


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