Your Pet Loss Diaries
'Barb & Anna'
Anna my Black Lab/Shepherd mix. 10 years old.
When did you lose Anna?
Anna went to heaven on Monday, April 9, 2012.
At which stage of pet loss grief do you feel you are currently at?
Or how are you feeling right now?
I am heartbroken and sad, lost and lonely. Feelings of guilt about her going to heaven, because it was sudden. I cry all the time and I hug her tin of ashes every chance I get. Her pictures are everywhere and everything reminds me of her. She was my little baby girl and now she is gone.
Barb and Anna's Story so far
My Anna came to us 10 years ago, two weeks after our first little furfriend (doggy) named Nikki went to heaven. Our hearts were empty and sad. My brother worked at a laundry mat and a co-worker found this little doggy (8 weeks old) wandering the middle of a very busy road. My brother said he would take her and if no one claimed her as missing, he knew someone who recently lost their loved furfriend and would love this little girl too.
Those people were my husband and I. She helped ease our pain. Anna became part of our family. We didn't think of her as just a dog, she was our little girl and we loved her very much. Over those 10 years Anna was there to help us through so much (my son going off to war [he was deployed 3 times in Anna's lifetime], my nephew being injured in Iraq, a year later my husband was in an accident and suffered a severe head injury, my sister passing away). She helped me through every one of these and we became closer then anyone possibly could. I needed her and she needed me. We were there for each other.
A month before she went to heaven, she started to limp. I took her to the vet and they said she had a bad case of arthritis. I gave her glucosemane and aspirin to help her out. Over Easter weekend 2012 Anna became worse at walking. She had trouble moving around. My sister told me of her vet and on Monday we took her there. It was sad, she couldn't walk, so my husband and I lifted her into the car on a blanket. My sister went with us and I sat in the back with Anna's head on my lap. I stroked her fur and told her everything was going to be ok. We were going to get her help so she would feel better.
At the vet's office, they said she had an septic infection and started her on IV's. They told us she would have to stay there for 3 or 4 days. We agreed, but I felt awful about leaving her. (In those 10 years we have never been apart other than to go to work and back). When they took Anna on the gurney to the back to exam her, she looked so scared and I cried.
When they were done with the exam, they let us go back where she was so she could see that we were still there with her. As we entered the room, she lifted her head and it looked as if she were smiling. She wagged her tail. The assistant said: "AWWWW". I cried like a baby. I told her they were going to make her all better and we would be back in a few days to get her. I hugged her and cried. I told her over and over how much dad and I loved her and that we were going to miss her while she was there, but that we would be back to get her.
We left to go home and I felt bad, because now she was somewhere new and alone with people she never met before. I told my husband we would visit her every day until she came home. I felt bad because I thought I should have left my sweater with her so she would have my scent to keep her company. When we got home (it took about 45 minutes) there was a message to call the vet. I had a feeling it wasn't going to be good news. I returned the call and the vet said she didn't make it. My husband and I broke down and cried together. Our little girl was gone.
No more would she lay in our room, go for strolls, ride in the car or go out to eat with us. No more little begging faces from the back seat when we bought something she would like to have. We were shocked. We did not know she was going to leave us that day. God I miss her so much it hurts. I want my little girl back. She was my life, my world and now I am alone and lost without her. She was the only thing left that was normal in my life and it hurts so much. I had so many happy plans for when she was better, camping and running and playing and swimming. Now all these will just be a memory.
Hugs and kisses momma's little baby girl. Wait for me in heaven. Don't forget me. I love you and miss you so very much. You are my little girl.
Click here to start reading this Pet Loss Diary
Click here to see all entries from this Pet Loss Diary
Your Pet Loss Diaries - 'Barb & Anna'
To add an entry to your diary please complete the form below
Read more diary entries
Click on the links below to read more of 'Barb & Anna's' Diary
Click here to return to the Your Pet Loss Diaries Index Page
Click here to return to the Pet Loss Matters Homepage